


More Dead than Alive

by Simonspeaking



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), yoi - Fandom
Genre: AU, Angst, Blood, Death, Fluff, Happy ending though, M/M, Read at Your Own Risk, Reallllllllyyyyyy ANGSTY TBH, VictUuri, Victuri, Vikturi, Zombie, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, viktuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 00:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9356882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simonspeaking/pseuds/Simonspeaking
Summary: It's been three years since the apocalypse started. A mysterious virus that wiped out half the earth, turning them into monstrous, blood thirsty zombies. In his colony, Viktor is known as the best zombie killer alive. He's top of the top, trains all the incoming zombie killers, and constantly goes on ventures outside the stronghold to reclaim land and supplies. Until during one mission, Viktor fails, and expects to perish, if it weren't for the unexpected help of Yuuri.Yuuri isn't sure if he's really dead or not. He's definitely not human, the sagging grey skin on his face and his limp tells him otherwise. Yet he doesn't seem to be fully zombie either. He can think for his own, unlike the others. He can talk, laugh, smile- pretty much everything all of the other zombies can't. Yet, he's one of them. He isn't constantly being controlled by the unquenchable desire for human flesh, in fact he'd rather eat human food than humans. But, what happens when one fateful day he meets Viktor, and through their meeting, finds out the truth about his death, his life, and all the mysteries he's been trying to solve.





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second fanfiction I've ever written! (My first being a Drarry fic called The Game Continued). Please let me know what you think about this AU. Fun fact, I got the inspiration for this fic when I was making a watercolor painting of Yuuri and the paper ripped because it was too wet, but I liked the painting so much I just turned him into a zombie, and thus this fic was born! 
> 
> Just a warning, there is some very gruesome and graphic scenes in this fic, describing zombies, death, injuries, and blood. So if any of those things trigger you, this fic might not be for you.
> 
> Also let me know in the comments if you prefer Victor or Viktor and Yuuri or Yuri for their names. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy :)
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment down below! 
> 
> (Also if you have any questions about the fic or updates or anything, feel free to contact me on my tumblr @aestheticsdan )

CH 1.

 

I watched the grey light filter in through the filthy and broken window. The streak landed in a small ray directly in front of my left foot. I watched the dust fly through the air in the sunlight with a lethargic fixation. It was utterly boring. 

Everything was boring.

There's nothing much to do if you're dead. Or at least, whatever I was. You see, the problem was that I wasn't sure if I was dead.

I definitely wasn't human. The rotting infected wounds on my face combined with the festering and poignant odor of decay emitting off me made that obvious enough to any onlookers. I was very obviously a zombie. I wasn't trying to dispute that- I've eaten my fair share of human remains. But still, I wasn't certain for sure. I could think, I could laugh, I could talk, I could feel emotions. I could do so many things no other zombie around me could do. All they did was stumble around, fighting, driven insane by their never-ending quest to conquer their unquenchable bloodlust.

I wasn't like them. I didn't know how. I didn't know why. I just knew I wasn't. Which brings up the question, was I dead? Were being a zombie and being dead mutually exclusive events? 

Whereas other zombies hungered for flesh, I craved something more profound, something less easily obtained. I craved knowledge. My unquenchable thirst wasn't for the flesh of others, but instead for the knowledge of why I was like this. 

It kind of sucked to not be like the others though. I didn't know if they made "friends" like humans did, but there appeared to be cliques among them. Over the years I'd noticed the same zombies hanging around the same places. They always stayed at our base though, never leaving, never exploring. Perfectly content to sit in one place whilst they rotted. So I knew for sure they had a basic understanding of what home was. 

Home and hunger, that's all they knew. That's all they would ever know. 

I'd always wished there would be someone like me, someone to understand, but I'd long since given up hope for that. Whenever I tried to communicate with any of them, it just seemed like there was a wall between us. An invisible yet impenetrable wall. I was too different from them, yet we were the same. 

I just didn't belong. I didn't belong with humans, I didn't belong with zombies. I'd resigned myself to never knowing, to never belonging. 

My curiosity about my death had made me very keen to learning everything I could. During the start of the apocalypse I spent hours and hours of the day (I had to sleep- I was the only zombie that did) exploring my surroundings and figuring out where I was. Very quickly I had figured out I was in a very small hospital. It was a broken, filthy two story building, now overrun with the dead. I assumed the fact that I was at a hospital had something to do with my death. 

Our home was surrounded by many houses and buildings, and there was a grocery store across the street. Both a hospital and grocery store were very appealing in an apocalypse, as was evident by the hundreds of corpses that littered the streets between them. This should’ve been an obvious warning sign, but I suppose just as the zombies were getting more desperate for humans, the humans were getting more and more desperate for their own resources. 

That's what he was doing the day I met him. 

...

 

I was sitting on the ground in my second floor hospital room, staring at the filtering sunlight. It was a colder day than most and I could feel the wind blow against my bare back where the hospital gown didn't cover.

I watched the dust dancing through the air, swirling and interweaving with other particles. I heard the telltale moans and shuffling feet of the other zombies outside my locked door. I didn't like to open my door, the others attacked me. 

Well, sometimes. It's not like I was constantly being berated by antagonizing attackers, but every now and then, a confused zombie (normally a newer one) would attack. So I stayed in my room. It seemed like a simple enough solution. I didn't leave if I didn't have to, and they never came in. 

I knew what was happening as soon as I started to hear screams cover up the moans. Human screams. 

Another poor group of people had tried to brave the hospital. Another poor group of people was about to die.

I hated how humans screamed when they died. I hated how shrill and terrified they sounded. It made my blood run cold and my eyes scrunch closed, and I'd crunch up until I folded in on myself, desperately trying in vain not to hear them.   
But I knew I would still hear them.  
And I knew I would still eat them. 

That's how it worked. I hid in my room while other zombies killed. They would eat what they wanted, and after I thought the fight was over I would slowly creep out from my hospital room and binge on the leftovers. It disgusted me. I disgusted me. Being dead, being a zombie, disgusted me. But that's how it was. 

After several prolonged minutes the screams started getting fainter and further apart, so I stood up and shuffled to the window to see how the fight was progressing. One look confirmed my suspicions that we were destroying them. Corpses of the newly dead littered the ground like confetti after a parade, blood pooled around them as zombies closed in to feast. It made my heart sink to see how young they were. 

Children. That's all they were, just children. I saw a 14 year old girl lying on her back, still screaming as a zombie ripped into her throat. Even as she died, the chainsaw in her hand ran on, filling the air with a sinister growl, a perfect match to the sickening mood. I expected it to be over soon. I could count on two hands the amount of survivors left, and they were quickly gathering up, preparing to retreat, I assumed. 

I stumbled from the window to the door, briefly tripping over a fallen IV rack. The door unlocked with a "click" and I walked down the hallway. 

The hallway was empty, everyone was outside eating. The electricity had been out for years, so I stumbled my way down to the stairs at the end of the hall using light from the tiny framed windows as a guide. I flinched at the sickening crunch of bones under my feet as I walked. I began mentally preparing myself with what I was about to do. 

I was about to eat a human. 

I always had to psych myself up to do it. It didn't seem right, didn't seem natural. But I knew I had to eat something to stay alive (or whatever I was), and they were already dead. Even though I never killed them personally, I always felt like I had had a hand in it. After all, they died to feed me. I just hoped I wouldn't have to eat that little girl. 

I was slowly descending the stairs when I heard a noise. At first I assumed it was another zombie, and prepared myself to interact with them. But as I walked further and further down the stairs, the noise grew and I could tell it wasn't caused by anything normal. It was a rapid fast paced shuffling, mixed with muffled curse words every so often. 

I stopped, curious, and listened. It was too fast, too sharp to be a zombie. 

It was a human. A living human. 

It must've been in the room right before the stairs, where the hospital's medicine supply was kept. 

I wanted to see it. After so long surrounded by the undead I needed to see how a human behaved. So I walked slower, praying that my bad leg would be quiet as it dragged behind me. I wasn't quiet by nature, but it must've been too busy in it’s task to notice the gentle "Thump... thump... thump..." I made approaching the room. 

I noticed the door was slightly ajar as I got closer. The rustling was louder now, and along with the heavy breathing it was like the human was trying to attract zombies towards it.   
I hadn't heard someone else breathing in so long, except for my own labored breaths that barely counted, they were so small and far apart.   
As I grew closer, I saw him through the doorway for the first time. 

His back was turned to me and he was reaching for the top shelf. He was a solid six inches taller than me, and broader too. His arms and legs rippled with muscle as he tore through shelf after shelf. The rags that were his clothes were ripped and blood splattered, everything from his brown hiking boots to the sweat soaked bandana on his head. What really threw me off though, was his hair. It was a shocking shade of platinum grey. I had never seen anyone, alive or dead, with that particular color. It looked as soft as a pillow, and practically shone like a halo in the diluted sunlight.

He still didn't notice me as I stepped into the room, even as he turned his head to gaze at another shelf of drugs. Now I could see his face clearly. It was long and elegant, full of sharp features scrunched in distress.

I took a step closer.  
He shoved a bottle in the brown satchel hanging over his shoulder.   
I took another step.   
He frantically grabbed another bottle.  
I stepped forward again.   
I was about to open my mouth and say something to him when I heard the telltale signs of shuffling approaching, the zombies must've finished eating. 

He must've heard them too (they weren't exactly being as quiet as I), because he turned around frantically, and saw me standing almost directly in front of him.

He didn't scream, he just looked at me, with a parted mouth and eyes full of fear. I didn't move, I just continued to stare at him. He took a step back, towards the wall. 

"I- I'm warning you.." he said shakily.

I shuffled forward, curiosity overwhelming me. Why was he warning me? Was he going to kill me? I honestly couldn't care at this point, if I were to die by his hands, that would be ok. He was a human after all, and I a monster.

"I have friends outside- they've got guns and chainsaws! If you hurt me, they'll kill you." 

I could tell he was getting hysterical, he'd practically backed into a corner now. 

I heard the moans from the hall grow closer.

The man in front of me scrunched his eyes closed.

"Dammit,"I heard him whisper, "Why did I drop my gun today of all days."

I knew what he was talking about now. He thought I was going to kill him. After all, to him I looked like just another zombie. He thought he was going to die. 

I wouldn't let that happen. He was the first human I'd ever seen this close, and there was something magical about him. His cheeks were rosy and pink, his breath came out in little puffs, and his eyes were bright and shining, full of life and wisdom- not just the dull lumps in the heads of zombies. 

I wouldn't kill him, but I knew the other zombies would. I came to that realization as I heard their shuffling footsteps grow louder. 

"Come w-with me... if you... want to l-live." my voice was gurgled and unclear, I had never used it much before. I never had a real reason to. 

His face turned from fear to shock. 

"Y- you can talk?!" He exclaimed 

"They can't..." I gestured at the door, "I... can" 

He seemed confused,   
"But you're a zombie, why should I go with you?" 

"You... die, unless you do." 

He seemed unconvinced. 

"You can take them on... by yourself, or trust... me."

He looked at me in the eyes, and I noticed what a lovely shade of blue his were. The color of an icy pond in the winter. 

He nodded his head once, a small almost undetectable jerk.  
"O-ok" he sounded scared again. 

I grabbed his arm, and he flinched slightly but didn't pull away. 

"We have... to run." I commanded, dragging him behind me as I limped to the door at the fastest speed my crippled body could go. He seemed to realize I couldn't outrun the others and got the hint.

"You tell me where to go, I'll do the running"   
he said and picked up the pace, dragging me behind, still clutching to his arm. 

"Upstairs." 

He took the order with a determined expression, and jumped the stairs two at a time. He sprinted into the hallway, jumping over skeletons and bedpans. 

"Where to now?" he shouted to be heard over the insistent groans from the stairs.

"Last door... at the end of the hallway, the door... is open." 

He stopped for a moment, to analyze what I'd said, and pinpoint the door I was talking about, before he sprinted in that direction. 

By the time we reached the door the zombies had started entering the hall, and in a panic he ran into the room, almost shutting the heavy wooden door on me. Once we were safely in the room, I let go of his arm and he fell to his knees, dry heaving. I turned to the door and locked it with a "click".

He was sitting up again when I turned back around. His face had an unhealthy green tint, and his eyes still quivered in fear, but the confusion in his voice stood out to me more. 

"What are you?" He asked.

I shrugged nonchalantly. 

"Dead." I answered honestly.

He looked unconvinced, so as an afterthought I added: "Probably."

 

He opened his mouth to respond, but at that moment a zombie pounded on the door, making a loud "thud."

The human looked terrified at this and crumpled in on himself. I knew what to do, the zombies did that sometimes; they thought I smelled like a human and tried to break in. 

I let out a loud groan at the door in response, and was relieved to hear the zombie shuffling away. I wondered if they felt embarrassed by these mistakes? Or maybe simply disheartened? 

My thoughts were interrupted by the human, who now sounded dumbfounded.

"H-how did you do that- why did it go away?"

"I smell alive. They've tried to break in before, they know I smell alive now. They'll... think your... s-scent is me." I was quite proud of how good my talking was getting. 

"You smell alive?" He reiterated.

"Yes."

He laughed like he couldn't believe what was going on. 

"You mean to tell me, I just got rescued by a talking zombie who smells 'alive'." 

I nodded in response. 

"What's your name?" He asked, the fear was slowly leaving him as he realized that I wouldn't attack him. "If you have one."

"Yuuri." 

"Yuuri?" 

I nodded. I was getting slightly annoyed by the fact that he repeated everything I said. Especially since he did it with such a shocked voice, as if I didn't have the intelligence to do so- I was almost offended. 

 

"What's yours?" I asked, trying not to sound perturbed. I really couldn't complain to be honest, I had a human standing directly in front of me. One I could ask questions and observe and he probably wouldn't shoot me, it was like a dream come true.

"Viktor" 

"Nice to meet you Viktor." I stuck out my hand to shake his. He looked down at it, shock etched on his face. I shifted my weight from foot to foot waiting for him to take it, eventually he did. His hand was warm. Warmer than any zombie I'd ever touched. It felt inviting. It seemed like everything about humans was inviting.

"Are the others like this?" Viktor asked me. 

I shook my head. 

"No. I'm not like the others... they're all bloodthirsty. They can't think... in-de-pen-den-tly" I had to say the last word slowly, enunciating it to perfection. 

"But you can?" He asked with a hysterical laugh.

"Yes." 

"Well then what are you thinking right now Yuuri the zombie?" 

I stopped and looked at him. He felt so close, so real.

"That there's no walls." I replied simply.

A look of confusion passed over his face, "What do you mean no walls?"

"With the other zombies, there's an invisible... w-wall. I don't belong, they s-seem so... separate. With you... there's none. You're close."

He looked stunned. 

"What are you?" He whispered again, under his breath. I knew it was rhetorical so I didn't answer. Instead, I turned away from him and crossed to the window. I noticed his friends were leaving. There were only four left. 

He took a shaky breath and stood up. Following me to the window. He looked down at the mauled corpses. I pointed at his friends leaving. 

"Survivors" I said, trying to convey sympathy, hoping maybe the fact that some survived would be comforting.

"Survivors" he agrees quietly. I didn't know what to do after that. He looked seconds away from tears- something I was not prepared to handle. I couldn't deal with my own tears, nonetheless someone else's. I set a hand awkwardly on his shoulder. 

He turned to me suddenly, rigid.

"Are you trying to comfort me?" He sounded mad, and I didn't know why. I pulled my hand back, clutching it to my chest as if it were injured and nodded hesitantly. 

"You're trying to comfort me about the death of my friends after you killed them?!" There were tears in his eyes. 

"Well I'm not sure how it works here in your little town Yuuri" he spit the name like a curse, "but that's not how humans do things."

I was so stunned I couldn't move for a second, as I processed what happened I took a step back.

"No!" I shouted back frantically "I didn't kill them. I've never killed!" 

He stopped suddenly. Looking at me with creased eyebrows. 

"You've never killed anyone?" 

"Never." 

He looked mildly shocked, and took a seat on the hospital bed near the window that I slept on. 

"I only eat if I have to." I added on helpfully. As if on cue, my stomach growled. 

He looked at my stomach, a frightened look growing on his face as he put two and two together.

"Don't worry, I won't eat you." I told him, hoping to sooth his nerves. 

"I just need to go down and-"

"Wait!" He interrupted me,  
"You can't leave me here alone- what if they come back!" 

He searched frantically through his bag as he said this, and finally drew out a foil wrapped rectangle. 

"What can you do that other zombies can't?" He asked.

I came up with a list in my head and told him. 

"I sleep. I kinda breathe. I think. I dream. I talk. I laugh. I cry. I-"

"Exactly!" He cut me off again.

"So you might be able to eat human food!" He handed me the silver bar. "Just, try it, ok?" 

I looked at the thing in my hand. I'd never eaten human food before. I'd never seen a zombie eat it either. I didn't know what would happen. But he was looking at me with an intensity I'd never seen on anything before. So I sighed, giving in, and tore the corner of the foil off. 

I gingerly brought the food up to my nose. It smelled of honey and almonds. I'd never smelled anything as lovely in my entire death. I was constantly surrounded by rotting corpses, feces, and the scent of decay, so smelling something pleasant was completely foreign to me, but also completely welcome.

I braced myself, and took a bite. Flavor exploded on my tongue. It tasted nothing like the raw meat chunks I normally ate. This was sweet and lovely, crunchy and crumbling. I swallowed the bite and felt it go into my stomach, and I knew somehow I could eat and digest it. Another non-zombie quality I guess. Viktor laughed at the astonished look on my face. 

"Good, right?" He grinned.

I smiled back at him, the corners of my mouth tugging upwards. I'd never smiled this much before, I never really had a reason. It was nice, it felt natural and warm, like everything was going to be ok. Just smiling made me want to smile more. 

I took another bite of the bar. And another. We sat in silence while I ate. I listened to the hum of the perpetually-running chainsaw and wondered what Viktor was thinking. 

"How am I gonna get out of here?" He asked me in a quiet worried voice. 

So that's what he was thinking. To be fair, it was a good question. One I was still formulating an answer to in my brain. When I had taken him to my room I'd only thought about saving him in the present, and didn't even consider his survival in the future. After all, my room was at the end of the hall, on the second floor completely surrounded by zombies at all times. 

"Do they send... rescue crews to look... for survivors?" I asked hopefully. 

A dark look came over his face, he pulled his legs up to his chest and hugged them. 

"If you don't return with the others, there's no survivors."

"There's you" I pointed out, "you survived."

He considered this for a second. 

"Only because of you." 

This hit me hard. I had actually saved him. He wouldn't be alive right now without me, and he knew this and was thankful for it. I felt what could only be described as a burning heat flooding my cheeks. Huh, I must've had blood flow. Being around Viktor had allowed me to discover so many new things about myself. 

"It's... n-no big deal."

I took another bite of the heavenly granola bar and marveled at the satisfying crunches as I chewed.

"How much... food did you bring? How long... can you survive on it?"

He furrowed his brow and scrunched his lips as he pulled the brown leather bag off of his shoulder. He dumped the contents on the floor in front of us, getting off the bed so he could squat in front of the pile to sort it out.

It was mainly medicines he had stolen from the room I found him in. But he also had three water bottles and a box of 12 granola bars (minus the one I was eating) and a miscellaneous set of keys. 

"Not exactly anything good to work with for my escape. Sorry." He mumbled more to himself than me as he rummaged through the objects. 

"It's a puzzle," He whispered to himself, "I'm trapped in a zombie infested hospital, with food, water, and a friendly zombie. How do I escape...?."

I sat quietly and watched him think. It was quite amusing to see his face reflect his thoughts so openly. I loved how easily he showed emotions. Zombies never showed any, so it was refreshing to be able to see anger and confusion and sorrow flit across his face again.

"You- you said you smelled 'alive' right?" He asked, out of the blue. 

"Other zombies... have been mistaken before, y-yes." I answered honestly.

"How often?" 

"Not much, I can... still walk around if I w-wanted" 

"And they didn't suspect I was in here after you yelled at them..." 

He trailed off, his eyes calculating and distant, I could tell he was forming a plan. 

"Viktor," I asked hesitantly, "where are you going... with this?" 

He smiled at me, one that didn't reach his eyes. His tone brought chills to my spine when he answered, the realization of what he'd have to do obvious in his voice. 

"Two quick questions, one- is there a scalpel in here, and two- do you feel pain?" 

...

"C-can we go... over the plan one more time?" I asked Victor nervously. 

He gave me a small smile and nodded. 

"We're going to disguise my human smell with your blood as best we can. Hopefully the zombies will recognize you walking with me and think you're the confusing smell. I'm going to pretend to be a zombie as best I can visually, but we will make a run for it if need be." He sounded confident. More confident than I felt about it. 

We couldn't find a scalpel, as we weren't in an operating room, but we did find an old pair of rusty scissors that would do the job. 

"You know..." I said as I worked up the courage to stab my leg, "you probably... don't need to pretend to be a zombie. Most of them don't have eyes, or if t-they do they just sit in their... head like shriveled l-lumps."

Without warning he reached over and grabbed my chin, pulling it upwards so we made eye contact. 

"So you're telling me, not only did I meet the friendliest zombie in existence, but I met the one with the prettiest eyes?" 

I pulled my head away quickly, feeling slightly curious and slightly mortified by the blood I felt rushing to my face. I would hardly have considered my eyes pretty by any means. They were just a basic brown, nothing extraordinary. Not to mention the white of my left eye was completely red from blood. It was one of my most atrocious and zombie-like features. Honestly, I was quite self conscious about it.

"Hey," he said quieter, "thank you for saving me, and for helping me escape. I know you said you don't think you feel pain as much as humans, but it's still going to hurt you, and the fact that you'd do all this for me- just to help me get home, really means a lot." 

He smiled warmly, gratefulness practically radiated off of him. 

That was all I needed, I took the sharp end of the scissors and made a small insertion about mid-thigh. Blood quickly swelled to the surface and Viktor got right to work smearing it on his exposed skin. It was startling to see the dark red against the pale white of his skin. Something stirred within me, and I hoped I would never see him like that again. Covered in blood, even if it wasn’t his own. 

After everything was done, Viktor brought out a needle and thread he'd found in a first aid kit in the room. 

"I've never done this before- but I have a friend back home who's sort of a medical prodigy, I've watched him do it loads of times, so I sort of know what I'm doing." Victor reassured me as he got to work stitching the wound shut. It was rather awkward with how high up the cut was, he had a hand firmly placed on the inside of my thigh and another hand stitching the wound shut quickly and gracefully. I decided to make small talk in an attempt to distract from the rather, uncomfortable situation. 

"You shouldn't waste... supplies on me, I'm d-dead. It won't heal." 

He laughed at that, "I'm not so sure you're dead, after spending this one day with you, it's been very enlightening."

"I'm a zombie Victor."

"Oh I'm not arguing that, you most certainly are a zombie, but I don't think you're dead." 

Before I could argue any further, he stood up and brushed himself off, before sticking out a hand to help me up. 

"Well. It looks like we're done with your stitches. It's go time." His voice wavered a little bit at the end of his sentence, and his blue eyes slowly grew more panicked. I could tell he was terrified about what was about to happen. 

"Hey," I said soothingly, trying my best to comfort him, "it'll all be ok, I promise I’ll get you home." 

I didn't exactly believe that to be honest, and I knew he didn't believe it either. But he smiled regardless.

"Hey you didn't pause during that sentence, you're getting better at talking." 

I grinned,"I guess... so." 

He threw his head back and laughed. It wasn't that funny, but I guess fear can do that to a person. Make them slightly delusional. 

I turned away from him and walked to the door, setting a hand on the grungy lock. 

"Yuuri, wait!" Viktor called out rushing forward to stand next to me. He took my hand in his own, and I looked down at them. They were very different. His hands were rough and calloused from years of hard work, his nails were bitten down to stubs, scratches littered the back of his hand. My hand was greyer, deader looking. Pale and wrinkled, the literal hand of a corpse. His hand was warm in mine, and I felt him visibly relax at the contact. 

I looked back up at him, a questioning look in my eyes. 

"So we don't get separated.” he explained.

 

"Smart." 

"That I am." 

He smiled at me, and I turned the lock.

The "click" rang through the air like a gun. Viktor stiffened next to me. I knew what he was thinking. That that one sound was a death sentence. And, to be fair, it probably was. I squeezed his hand in an attempt to comfort him. 

"You know, your hands are actually pretty warm for a zombie..." 

I put my hand on the knob.   
"Yes, and?"

"It's just nice to have another living person here."

"Viktor" I sighed, a little exasperated, "I'm not alive."

I was 100% sure I was dead.

Ok, well, maybe more like 99%. 

He didn't say anything in response, just closed his eyes and tightened his grip on my fingers as I slowly turned the knob. 

The door opened, filling the room with an even stronger smell of decay. 

There must've been around 20 zombies in the hallway. They walked around with hunched over backs and missing limbs. The zombies roamed with no sense of direction, just shuffling around and running into walls. 

I was the first of us to take a step forward. The wooden plank creaked underneath my weight, and I heard Viktor let out a shaky breath. I gradually took another step, and another. Viktor eventually followed, when our arms started to stretch in protest at being far away. It was a process, we slowly made our way down the hallway, hand in hand, both of us terrified out of our wits. Him about his life, and I about him. 

A few zombies turned to look at us, and sniff the air, but each time I would let out a gurgling sound from the back of my throat and they'd back off. 

It all started off so well.

In fact, we'd made it down the staircase and were about 3/4 of the way to the door before we ran into any problems at all. 

We were walking down the first floor hallway, with the large glass door in sight, when all hell broke lose. 

It wasn't even that big of a deal at first, a zombie had merely gotten too close for comfort and brushed against Viktor, but it was enough to startle a shriek out of him. A shriek loud enough to turn all the undead heads in the room our direction. 

You see, zombies have shit eyesight, and their noses can be tricked too. But their hearing, our hearing, is exceptionally good. A perk of the virus, I suppose. 

They might not have been smart, or even capable of thought other than "eat", but they'd all killed enough humans before to know what one sounded like, as opposed to a zombie. The big wooden door that guarded my room had blocked them from hearing Viktor and I conversing before, but now with no barrier, they all heard. And they all knew. 

For a second everything was deathly quiet, deathly still. 

Then, the one that had brushed against Viktor lunged out with surprisingly quick reflexes for a corpse. He almost locked onto to Viktor's arm before I screamed, 

"Viktor, run!" 

He barely even stopped to pick me up (we both knew my limp prevented me from being fast), before sprinting at an ungodly speed down the dusty hallway. He barreled past zombies snapping their jaws at him. He jumped over fallen chairs, and assorted hospital furniture, and dodged the hundreds of thousands of bones laying on the ground everywhere. If I hadn't been totally worried for his life at that time, I would've been impressed. 

Viktor ran so fast, we practically flew out of the hospital. I could hear the huge mass of zombies gathering behind us. A mob had formed, emitting groans and snarls and wails that chilled me to the bone. 

I thought for sure he was a goner. 

But he ran. 

And he ran.

And he ran. 

Until the zombie hoard had fallen out of sight, and their moans no longer filled the air. Judging from the distance, he must've sprinted several miles. It was absolutely incredible.

When we finally stopped, he almost keeled over from exhaustion, so we broke into an abandoned house to let him catch his breath and regroup his thoughts in safety. 

He sat down on a moldy leather couch after dropping me. Sweat glistened on his forehead, and the sound of his laborious breathing filled the room. 

"Wow, you have good stamina." I observed. 

He wheezed a laugh. "Stop flirting with me Yuuri the zombie."

I felt my face start to blush again.

"Th-that's n-not what I meant!" I stuttered.

He laughed, a little stronger but still out of breath. 

"I know." He patted the couch cushion next to him. "Sit down, I'm going to need a while to recover from that run before we head home." 

"Before... w-we head home?" I asked confused. 

I'd expected us to part ways as unlikely friends after that, he'd go back to his home base, and I'd go back to the hospital. Ready to face death day after day after day.

"Yeah, I want my friend to look at you. The prodigy one I was telling you about. If anyone can figure out why you're like this, it's him." 

I sat down next to him, facing him. 

"But, won't your people be afraid of me?" 

I always figured I'd get killed off for real sometime, though I figured it would be at the hands of a rampant zombie, not a scared human. Being killed by a human sounded so ironic, getting killed by the one thing I wanted to be, by the one thing I looked up to. 

"You can hide in my house until we figure out what's going on." He answered confidently, a smile taking over his face.

"W- won't people notice the smell?" 

He laughed hard at that. Threw back his head, like he had in my room. Only now it wasn't fear causing him to laugh, but relief. It was significantly more beautiful.

"You can take a shower when we get there, that'll work wonders. Don't worry, I need one too." He gestured to the blood covering his body and face, I grinned sheepishly back at him.

"It's been three years since I've taken a shower." I admitted. 

He stuck out his tongue and made a jokingly disgusted face, "I can tell."

A laugh bubbled out of my throat before I could stop it. I shoved his side, and he practically cackled.

"Shut up." 

He grinned at me, and I at him. And we sat there for a moment, watching the smiles slowly melt off of the other’s face.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Just trust me." 

"I've literally known you for... less than 24 hours Viktor." I reminded him.

"I mean, fair point." He admitted.

We sat there for another minute in silence. 

"But I do." 

He looked up, "you do what?"

"I trust you."

He smiled warmly,   
"Any particular reason why?"

"Well, anything is better than staying with the zombies. Being constantly surrounded by death... and murder, by blood and screams it's just awful. And then... there you were. M-my one chance to escape, practically tied up with a bow. It seems like fate. And I t-trust fate." 

Viktor didn't say anything right away, instead he took a long drink from a water bottle from his bag and looked lost in thought.

"Well I guess we better head home then. It's not that far, only around seven miles north."

I stared at him in disbelief, "Viktor we both know with my bad leg that'll take us days."

He shrugged nonchalant, "I guess I'll just have to carry you then."

"Viktor you're not carrying me... the whole way." 

"You didn't have any complaints about it before..."

"That's because y-you didn't... give me a chance!" I argued. 

He laughed and reached a hand over to ruffle the hair on my head. 

"Well I guess I won't give you a choice this time either." And with that, he leaned over and picked me up, bridal style. 

I sighed in defeat, "Viktor put me down." 

"You know these seven miles will go a lot faster if you don't complain." 

"I swear you'll be the death of me..." I mumbled (annoyed) under my breath. 

"I thought you said you were already dead." Viktor said in the most falsely innocent voice possible.

I groaned out loud and he laughed, a soft laugh that bubbled out of his chest.

"Come on Yuuri, let's go home."


	2. Colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for such a long wait- recently I've been swamped with school work, plus it's speech and show choir season so I've been busy with those. But anyways, here's the new chapter- just a warning this hasn't been editing yet (my editor was busy today but I wanted to post it's anyways) I'll try and update it to the edited one ASAP, but for now just try and ignore any grammar errors or typos! 
> 
> If you ever have any questions about updates or the story itself feel free to contact me on my Tumblr @aestheticsdan 
> 
> As always, feel free to leave a comment down below, and enjoy.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)

CH. 2

The seven miles were quick and silent. Viktor managed to walk the entire ways without stopping, while carrying me. 

He tried to start up conversations with me when he first started walking, but I remained stubbornly silent, and he soon gave up. So we traveled in silence.

I'd never gone this far out before. I'd always stayed in my hospital room where it was safe and there was food. Being so far out of my comfort zone was weird and unpleasant. But having Viktor there made it slightly better. He was warm and reassuring and alive. Alive. I couldn't get over how alive he was. Every breath he took left me in wonder, every time his cheeks flushed left me in amazement, every time his eyes twinkled with the spark of life I felt myself grow happier. He was so alive it practically glowed off of him.

Being around him made me feel simultaneously more dead and more alive than I'd ever felt before. The life he emitted dripped off of him and into me. Being around him made me feel energized, being around him made me feel the most alive I'd ever felt.

But being around someone so alive also drained me. I didn't see him through a wall, like I had the zombies, but there were obvious difference. The life in him, brought out the death in me. Excentuating it like a light in the dark. It was painfully obvious that I was dead when I was near him. Yet when I was with the zombies I seemed alive by comparison. 

I spent the entire walk observing him, observing every detail I could in his face. From the curve of his cheekbones, to the laughlines around his eyes. I was so infatuated with his face that I didn't even realize we were nearing the human stronghold until he stopped, and looked in the distance, with a concerned look on his face.

I followed his gaze, and saw walls. They were about seven feet tall, and made from miscellaneous scraps of materials. Metals blended into woods, chicken wire meshed with plastic. I appreciated the irony of them. Whereas I had a "mental wall" with the zombies, the humans had set up a physical one. Specifically created to keep creatures like me, out. 

"Fuck" he whispered under his breath, a worried looking fell on his face.

"W-what's wrong?" I asked, an uneasy feeling coming over me.

"There's a guard inside the doors, I didn't think about that..." he trailed off.

"How am... I gonna g-get in?" 

"I'm trying to think, give me a minute."

His nose scrunched in concentration and his eyebrows wrinkled. He stood like that for a a few minutes. I was starting to get extremely worried that I wouldn't make it in, when I had an idea.

"Viktor?" I asked, my voice soft and hesitant.

He looked up, "Yes Yuuri?"

"You said... t-there were never any survivors if they didn't... g-go home with the original pack, right?"

"Right." A questioning look was on his face.

"Well, they probably... think you're d-dead. So won't they be surprised to see y-you?"

"I suppose so." He said slowly, still not understanding what I was hinting at.

"And won't they want to... g-get you immediate medical help. B-because you'll tell them you're I-injured."

His eyes lit up suddenly. "And then we can sneak away while they get help!"

He looked down at me in his arms and a goofy grin spread across his face,

"Yuuri you're a genius!"

I smiled back at him and shifted in his arms uncomfortably.

"Oh yeah, sorry." He said sheepishly and set me back on the ground. 

He started walking to the walls. I hurriedly shuffled after him. Noticing that I was falling behind, he slowed his pace so we walked in sync. The closer we got to the wall, the more excited I felt. Because of the help of Viktors friend, I was about to discover the answers to all the questions I had about my condition. 

Viktor stopped suddenly when we were directly in front of what I assumed was the entrance to the stronghold. "Stay out of sight while I talk to whoevers guarding, ok?" Viktor whispered to me. 

I nodded my head and he smiled. 

"Alright. Let's smuggle you in." 

I shuffled over to the edge of the wall, out of direct eyesight from the door and Viktor knocked. Three hollow rings that rang out in the silence like gunshots. 

"Hello! Is anyone there, it's Viktor!" He called out to the other side.

At once, a muffled voice quipped up excitedly, "Viktor?! You're alive?"

There was some metal clanging and rustling, but eventually the guard pulled it open, and I saw him. He was tall and intimidating. Arrogance radiated off of him like rays from the sun. His face was masked in disbelief when he saw Viktor standing there. 

"How?" He sounded utterly flabbergasted.

"I'll explain later. But could you please get Yuri. I think I hurt my arm." He winced and grabbed his shoulder for dramatic effect. I must say, it was quite convincing. 

"Yeah! Of course, I'll be right back, come in and close the door."

"Thanks JJ" Viktor said with a grateful smile. 

The human (that I assumed was named "JJ") turned and sauntered away, leaving the door to the stronghold completely open and ungaurded.

"I can't b-believe... that worked." I said with a laugh, coming out of hiding.

"Yeah, well, JJ's an idiot- I was hoping he'd be on duty."

I grinned at Viktor, and peered into the stronghold. From what I could see, it was full of broken down houses, duct-taped buildings, and dirty cracked sidewalks. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

"Well," Viktor announced, breaking my train of thought, "we' gotta be gone before they get back, let's go." And he stepped into the walls.

... 

We took empty back roads and alleyways to get to Viktors house. I had hoped to see more people milling about in their natural habitat, but I understood that I couldn't be seen. It would cause mass chaos. 

It was odd to me, that my presence alone would be enough to leave people screaming and running. They wanted to kill me because of what I looked like, what I was.

We arrived at Viktors house after ten minutes of walking. It was one of the larger houses in the stronghold. It was tall and elegant like him. The pale blue paint job was chipping, and several windows were broken. A patch of mold was steadily growing along the side of the house. The house itself creaked and groaned like it was ready to fall down at any point. I thought it was beautiful. 

"Here we are."

"It's... lovely"

He smiled at me, "yeah well, it isn't much, but it's home."

We walked together to the front porch. I was marveling at every little detail I could see, from the broken wicker porch furniture, to the cracked cement driveway. He pulled out the set of keys I'd seen earlier from his bag and unlocked the door. It startled me to hear the "click" sound it made, which was practically identical to my door in the hospital. I tried to ignore the wave of nausea that came over me when I remembered that room. It had only been a few hours ago, heck I'd started the day off without even considering the possibility of escaping the neverending humdrum of my room. Yet here I was, standing next to Viktor as the sun set over the horizon. I'd started the day in hell, and ended it in a light blue house with a handsome stranger. It wasn't exactly heaven, but it was the closest I was ever going to get. 

He pushed open the door and walked in, I followed on his heels. If I thought the outside of his house was pretty, the inside was magnificent Majority of the furniture was dusty and broken. Old couches and chairs were shoved into corners, completely forgotten. The walls were covered in wallpaper, a beautiful floral design that had everything from daisies to roses. The hardwood floors were scratched and muddy, I curled my toes on them, admiring how the cold floor felt against my bare feet. I was at a loss for words. After years of being surrounded by bleak medical equipment and white walls, the pastel colors and antique feel of the house overwhelmed me. 

"What do you think?" Viktor asked, slightly nervous, like he really cared what I thought.

"It's the most wonderful... house I've ever s-seen."

A toothy grin enveloped his face. 

"Wow, high praise!" He joked.

While I stood in place, admiring the scenery around me, Viktor walked over to the wall on our left and flicked something. 

Suddenly the room came alive with lights. The glassy chandelier above my head sparkled and the plain ceiling lights twinkled. They were such mundane things, really, but I hadn't seen electricity since I had died. I felt my jaw drop. 

"H-how?" I turned to him to ask, completely baffled.

His eyes were dancing with light, they looked warm and inviting, like I could stare at them for hours and never tire. 

"Portable energy generator, I nabbed a few when I was in town a year ago. I mainly gave them away, but I kept one for my house, it's nice to have lights and warm water. I don't pretend to know how it works though, I have a friend who does all the technical stuff in town. His names Chris- I think you'd like him."

I hummed in response and looked back up at the chandelier, transfixed by the sudden display of light. 

"Speaking of water, why don't you head to the bathroom and take a shower, you said you haven't had one in three years, right?" He cracked a joking grin at me.

I tore my eyes away from the lights to roll them at him. 

"Yeah" 

"Great! The bathrooms just down the hall to your right. I'll get you a towel." 

I turned away from him and took a step down the hall to the direction he pointed.

"Oh, I can also bring you some of my clothes to borrow." He added as an afterthought. 

I felt a hot blush creep up my neck, as for the first time in three years I became aware of my lack of proper clothes. My ears felt like they were on fire as I hurried down the hall to the bathroom. I heard Viktor laughing as I shut the door.

I was completely mortified. I mean, it's not like I was completely naked or anything, I had a hospital gown on. But that was made of thin cotton and was completely open in the back. It never really mattered when I was around other zombies. Half of them were clothed even less than me, and I didn't think they had the emotions to care about it. But here in the human world, there were different expectations. 

Trying to shake off my embarrassment I turned on the lights looked around the tiny room I was in. It was bright yellow, an obnoxiously bright shade that reminded me of the color of butter. The sink and shower were made out of dark granite, and the toilet was an age-faded porcelain.

I tried to avoid looking in the mirror that hung above the sink. There were a few mirrors in the hospital- so I'd seen what I looked like. 

I didn't like my appearance at all.

Despite my attempts though, A quick glance in the direction of the mirror revealed my reflection. My hair hadn't stopped growing like the other zombies hair had. It hung in black greasy knotted clumps down my back. My skin was an inhuman shade of grey, and there was a grisly scar down the side of my face I had no recollection of receiving. Perhaps, though, the most grotesque part of me were my eyes. One was puffy and red, filled with blood. I closed them, and walked past the mirror to stand where the shower was. 

I hesitantly shrugged out of the thin hospital gown and stepped in the tub. Pulling the yellow moldy shower curtains closed, Trying to force myself relax, I turned on the shower. I didn't feel as exposed as I thought I would, being naked. I watched in fascination as the shower head roared to life spitting out water. I stuck a hand into stream of water in front of me, marveling at the way it felt against my fingers. It was warm and calming, the pulsating rhythm felt like a massage. 

I peered at my hand in amusement as the dirt trailed off, dirtying the water at my feet. 

Deciding that it was time, I stepped into the water. It was almost like an out of body experience how amazing the hot water felt on my skin. The water was relaxing, easing my sore and stiff muscles. It was almost comical how dirty the water at my feet was at first. But as the shower progressed I got cleaner and cleaner, and less dirt pooled around my toes. I found soap and shampoo easily enough. The soap was a small white sliver, and the shampoo smelled vaguely of mint. I got to work lathering my body and hair completely- determined to scrub every inch of my skin. 

I must've been in there for a while though, because soon enough I heard a knock on the door.

"I'm putting the towels and clothes outside the door!" Viktor said loudly to be heard over the steady stream of water. 

"Ok!" I shouted back

But instead of leaving, he shouted again,  
"Are you doing ok in there? Got everything figured out?"

"I'm fine." 

"Are you sure? I think I need to come in there and check just to be safe..." I could hear the playful tone in his voice even through the wall.

"No!" I yelled flustered, "I'm fine really!" 

I heard a faint chuckle. 

"Ok, well I'll be in the living room when you're done."

Sighing, I decided I was as clean as I was going to get. I turned the shower off, shivering at the sudden coldness. I felt... weird. Different. It was a nice different, but still odd. Not having dirt caked under my nails, or blood smeared across my legs was going to take some getting use to.  
I felt new. I felt alive. 

I felt completely alive. 

I wanted to see how much the shower had changed me. Nervously, I inched my way over to the mirror and held my breath. 

Same red eye.  
Same grey skin.  
Same scar.  
Still a zombie. 

But I looked so much better. If you squinted really hard and it was dark, I almost could've passed for a human. Almost. I hoped I'd smelled better too. Viktor was probably use to horrendous stenches, I'm sure everyone was nowadays when personal hygiene products were so hard to get (heaven knows how Viktor got soap AND shampoo). But still, I wanted to smell nice. I wanted to belong- to be like a human in every way I could. 

Feeling like a new person, I opened the bathroom door slightly to grab the towel and clothes. The towel was rough and had a few holes, but was surprisingly absorbent for how old it looked. After thoroughly drying myself off, I examined the clothes. 

I ran my hands over the smooth synthetic fabric off the shirt. He'd brought me a faded plaid button up, dark denim jeans, a pair of brown hiking boots with paper stuffed in the toes, and because he wouldn't forget a single detail- socks and underwear. I dressed quickly, having some difficulty getting my fingers to cooperate with the buttons on the shirt, they kept fumbling and missing the holes. The virus definitely had a huge impact on my hand eye coordination. Eventually I gave up and left the top half unbuttoned. 

I left the bathroom, feeling clean and put together. Something I hadn't ever felt before. I basked in the bright artificial light of the lightbulbs, and admired the clean cool feeling of the air against my now soft skin as I walked down the hall to find the living room. 

So much had changed in such a little amount of time for me, Viktor had opened my life to so much more than sitting in a dingy room in a zombie infested hospital for enternity. He saved me from rotting to death, abandoned and alone. And for that, I was forever greatful. 

Eventually I found the living room (2nd door to the right) and found Viktor sitting on one of the dusty couches I'd seen earlier. He looked up upon hearing my arrival and his eyes widened slightly. 

"You look... different." He said in a stunned tone.

"Oh? And is that a good... different or a b-bad different"

"Good." He said with a nod of his head. "I think."

I smiled.

"Your shirts unbuttoned." He observed nodding at the shirt. I looked down and blushed.

"Yeah, sorry... I had d-difficulty with the buttons."

He laughed, "come here, I'll button the rest for you then." 

I walked across the room to where he was sitting. He reached up and carefully slowly buttoned up the rest of the shirt. His fingers were cool and nimble as they brushed against my chest. Expertly doing what I hadn't been able to do. 

"Thanks." I said, a little embarrassed. 

"Don't mention it."

There was a lull in the conversation, and attempting to make it less awkward I asked,  
"Do I smell b-better now?"

He laughed, "Yes. But your makeovers not done yet." He held up a pair of scissors.

He gestured to the space on the floor in front of him, "sit down, I'm going to cut your hair."

Absentmindedly I reached for a wet lock of it that hung over my shoulder. 

"It's too tangled to salvage- im going to cut off the bad snarls, I'll comb out the rest after." He explained.

I nodded and sat down where he had gestured. Once he started, I heard the telltale sound of scissors snipping and in response I stiffened a little bit, uncomfortable with such a sharp object near my neck. But he hummed as he worked, and his voice relaxed me. It was low and sweet. I felt safe with him. 

When he was done my head felt lighter, I reached up to touch my hair. It was so much shorter, he'd cut it to around where my ears were. 

"I'm going to comb out the rest now." He told me, and I nodded in response.

That part hurt a lot. In an attempt to distract myself from the pain, I started asking him questions.

"How do you have all this nice... s-stuff. A large house, t-toiletries, electricity?"

He stiffened a little bit. 

"I'm-" he paused for a minute, "I'm a zombie killer." 

I'm sure he expected me to get offended by that or scared. And maybe I would have been a few hours earlier. But by now, I trusted him. 

"And?" I questioned further.

Noticing that I wasn't scared, he relaxed a little and went back to attacking my hair with the comb. 

"I'm the best zombie killer in our stronghold. I train incoming troops, I organize missions, and I go out on explorations. It's like a whole 'nother world out there. There's so many empty houses, empty stores. If I see something I need, I take it." 

"You must go out... a lot."

He laughed grimly, "that I do." 

We sat in silence after that, I stopped asking questions and he stopped humming. 

After what felt like half an hour, he stood up.

"Ok your hair is done now. It's almost dried too." 

He reached out a hand and helped me off the floor. After standing up, I tousled my hair. It was soft and light, and I could actually run my fingers through it. A laugh escaped my lips.

"Thank you Viktor." I said. And I really meant it. Maybe more than I've meant anything. 

It might've been a trick of the light, but I swear I saw a faint blush appear on Viktors pale skin. 

"O-oh it's no problem." He stammered, flustered. Flustered! Can you imagine- Viktor was flustered. 

Before I could point out that fact though, he yawned. 

"It's getting late." He said, sounding more confident now. "Do you sleep?" 

"Yeah." 

He nodded, "I suspected as much. I don't have a guest room or anything so you can sleep in my bed." 

"Oh n-no it's fine!" I said, not wanting to be a bother. "I can... sleep on the couch... or floor." 

"Nope!" Viktor rejected the suggestion instantaneously, "we're taking you to see my medical friend tomorrow and I don't want him to waste anytime worrying about your back because you slept on the ground." 

Knowing full well that arguing with him would be pointless I gave up and sighed. 

"Fine." I said begrudgingly 

He smiled in victory. 

"Where will you... be sleeping then?" I asked.

He blinked and looked at me confused. 

"In my bed." He said as if it should've been obvious. 

The realization of what he was implying dawned on me. I took a step back. 

"Oh, no you.. really don't have to- I mean that'd just be a-awkward. I can...sleep on the floor it's fine I d-don't mind at all..." I started rambling nervously.

"Yuuri," he cut me off with a laugh, "it's fine- I promise. It's a big bed, it's really no bother."

I sighed. I was still slightly uncomfortable with the idea of sleeping next to a guy I had just met. But I knew I should just let it rest, I couldn't win an argument with Viktor, and he was being so hospitable and nice. 

"Fine." I grumbled in agreement. 

He smiled brightly, "great! I'll lead the way, it's upstairs." 

I followed a pace behind him as he effortless navigated the confusing hallways of the house and climbed a steep set of stairs. He stopped in front of a narrow door that was painted a pale green. 

"I like all the... colors." I commented, gesturing to the door.

"Thanks!" He grinned proudly, "they make me happy." 

He was completely adorable when he said that. It reminded me of a toddler showing off a toy, or a puppy showing off a bone. He said it in a way that made me smile back. 

"They make me happy too." I said looking up at him.

Something flickered in his eyes, I couldn't tell what it was though. He turned away and opened the door hurriedly. 

His bedroom was very different from the rest of the house. There was no clutter in it. In fact, it was very empty. There was a closet of clothes, a bed, and a pile of blankets in the corner of the room. The bed was large, like Viktor had said, and had a stained blue comforter laying on top of it. The mattress looked plush, but lumpy and the pillows had no cases. The room itself was light lavender. A shade somewhere between pink and purple, and had chipped gold accents along the trim of the wall. A single photo hung on the wall, a picture of a dog in a yard- and next to it a beaten rusty gold medal hung. 

Viktor noticed my staring.

"It was for a sport I used to do." He explained to me, pointing at the medal. "It's the only thing I have left from before the apocalypse." 

"What sport?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

"Competitive ice skating." He answered. "Embarrassing, I know."

I wasn't focused on what he said after though. Ice skating. Ice skating. There was something about those words that stood out to me. Like a memory that I couldn't quite place. I couldn't shake this feeling there was something about ice skating that was important.

I tried to ignore the feeling though. Turning back to Viktor I pointed at the pile of blankets,

"What are those... for?" I asked

He brightened at once, "My dog! He's currently at my friend's place- he watches him when I go outside the walls."

"You h-have a dog?" I asked incredulously.

"Yup! I found him in an abandoned house about three years ago. You can meet him tomorrow. But right now, I'm exhausted." He yawned again for dramatic effect. He reached over and turned the lights off and then walked over to his bed, clambering in gracefully. 

I followed, hesitantly climbing into the covers on the other side. Viktor couldn't sense my uncomfortableness apparently though, because within minutes I heard his breathing slow. 

I turned on my side to face him, and looked at him- really looked at him, like he was the last thing I'd ever see. Soft hair, elegant features, and a lazy smile. 

Seeing his smile put me at ease. Everything would be ok as long as I was with Viktor. I wasn't with the zombies anymore, I was here, lying in a soft bed, next to someone who actually cared about my wellbeing. 

And so I fell asleep, thinking about Viktor.


	3. Diagnosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait! I'm in the middle of speech season now and my school musical practices have started so I've been rediculously busy. 
> 
> This chapter in currently unedited but my editor is working on it as you read this. So in the meantime I'm sorry for any grammatical/spelling errors or typos.
> 
> Please leave comments! Every time I get one it literally brightens my whole day. (Plus I'm encouraged to update faster then ;) ) 
> 
> If you have any questions about the story or updates, feel free to contact me on my Tumblr @aestheticsdan.
> 
>  
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! 
> 
> ...

CH 3.

I awoke to a beam of light from the nearby window shining in my face. I could see the dust particles interweaving their way through the air in the light, but today I payed them no attention. I had better things to do now. More exciting things to see. 

Hindered by my drowsy muddled morning thoughts it took me a minute to realize I was alone amongst the splotchy blue sheets. I sat up slowly, one hand rubbing my bloody eye, and the other stretching towards the sky. My back cracked with a satisfying pop. I blinked slowly taking in how the room looked in the golden morning light. The brightness of the light made the lavender walls seem softer by comparison, the shade of a cloud brightened by a sunrise. The gold accents along the trim positively gleamed. The air was cold and crisp, it smelled fresher then the decay-filled scent of the air at the hospital. Sniffing absentmindedly I could almost detect a hint of lilac. 

I debated about giving into the frigid air's protests and sinking back into the warmth and security of the comforter, but my stomach demanded attention. I swung my legs out from under the blanket and off the bed, noticing I was still wearing the hiking boots Viktor had given me. I felt guilty wearing them into his bed, I hoped I hadn't gotten anything dirty. So I wouldn't track mud anywhere else in his house, I took them off. They were slightly too big anyway- even with the paper stuffed in the toes.

The socks he had lent me were honey-tinted with a faded pattern of daisies scattered across the ankles. I curled my toes, admiring the stretch and feel of the synthetic fabric. I liked the socks he had chosen. They were bright and happy. It was almost like I could just look down at my feet and be reminded of Viktor's colorful house. One gaze in the direction of the ground and a smile would find its way into my face, unfailingly. 

My stomach rumbled again, evidently upset I had chose to ignore it for so long. Frowning, I got up and slowly started towards the door.  
There was something... odd about me that day, I could feel it. 

I paused for a moment, trying to evaluate what could've possible changed about me over night. Nothing came to my mind immediately though, so I kept walking. I opened the door in one fluid motion, and walked down the stairs smoothly, my hand resting daintily along the banister during my decline. I stopped at the bottom of the stairwell to stretch again. I was mid-yawn, both arms in the air when it struck me what wasn't right. I hesitantly took a step forward. And then another step. 

And then another. 

My limp. 

It wasn't exactly, gone per say. I still walked like a person with a recovering ankle injury. But it was less prominent today. My steps were less clunky, more put together. It wasn't nearly as painful to watch me walk forward constantly almost toppling over. 

With awe in my eyes, I looked down at my sock-clothed feet and smiled. I watched them as I took another step. The smile on my face gradually began to grow wider and wider until my cheeks hurt with the effort of the pure joy contained on my face. 

I took a step.  
And then a faster step.  
And then an even faster step, and so on and so on until I was practically running down the long elegant hallway of the colorful house. As I was running (if you could really call it that...) I felt a light laugh in my chest. It clawed its way up to my throat and bubbled out without my consent.

My limp was healing. I couldn't believe it. 

While my limp was healing, my coordination was still somewhat lackluster. I realized this after several steps of my pitiful excuse for running when I promptly collapsed in the living room with a cacophonous "crash". 

After a quick analyzation of my body, I came to the conclusion I didn't hurt anything (besides maybe my pride.) Viktor, however, having heard the noise sprinted into the room as fast as he could. 

"Yuuri!" He cried out, his voice sounding surprisingly desperate, his face contorted with worry. 

"I'm fine..." I groaned, sitting up from my pitiful position on the wooden floor,  
"I just fell."

Viktor's face went emotionless for a second. But gradually a smile grew on his face. 

"Yuuri," he laughed "you nearly gave me a heart attack- I swear you'll be the death of me."

I grinned sheepishly, lifting one hand to rub the back of my neck in embarrassment. 

"Sorry." I said, averting my eyes in mild shame.

"Hey." He said softly, walking towards me. 

I glanced at him breifly, startled by the rapid change in the tone of his voice. He knelt down next to me, gently gripping my chin and forcing it upwards to maintain eye contact with him. 

"It's ok. I was just worried about you." He smiled reassuringly at me.

His close proximity was causing me to somewhat malfunction. My lips parted open in shock. I could've sworn my eyes quadrupled in size. My hands had gone stiff with numbness. I don't know how long we sat like that. Time had almost stood still- it could've been years for all I knew. My tongue felt too heavy to speak, and sat in my mouth like a dead weight. And so I sat slack jawed and numb, and completely confused. 

He laughed a gorgeous twinkle, that sounded more melodic than it did a laugh. He let go of my chin and stood up, brushing his hands off on his pants. Then he offered one to me. I looked at it, and looked back up at him. He raised an eyebrow and I came to my senses. Frantic and flustered I accepted his offer to help me up. He pulled me to my feet rather unceremoniously. 

"My limp." I managed to croak out after regaining use of my tounge. My throat was dry, unusually dry. 

"What about it." Viktor said, looking at me curiously. 

"It's healing." 

Now it was his turn to look dumbfounded. He blinked once, then twice, then stared down at my leg.  
"It's..." he trailed off, then suddenly looked at me again "healing?"

I nodded, a grin slowly blossoming across my face. A similar grin soon mirrored on his expression.

He laughed in disbelief "your limp is healing." He reiterated.

As if to prove it I took a few steps towards the doorframe across the room. I turned around to see his reaction. He was smiling. It was one of the most genuine smiles I'd seen on him yet. It was so real I almost tripped when I saw it. I could practically feel the warmth radiating off of him. I opened my mouth to say something. I don't know what I would've said, but I felt like something needed to be. But before anything could come out, my stomach growled again, like an unhappy toddler tired of being annoyed. Viktor laughed. 

"Come on, I made breakfast. Let's go eat. We can go see my friend after."

Breakfast was expired baked beans on stale toast. I'd never eaten anything better.  
...

I was in awe of my surroundings. They were better than anything I could've imagined. We were standing close together in a city square. Living humans bustled all around me, shining with the undeniable, incompressible hue of life. 

Viktor had told me the only way to get to his friend's office was through town. He said that with my new 'makeover' (as he liked to call it) I could almost pass for human. He gave me a hat though, to cover my face in case someone dared to look too closely. It was a nice little hat. Originally it must've been white, but it yellowed with age. Small vines of embroidered emerald ivy creeped along the front in confusing patterns. 

A lady bumped into me with a jarring jolt. Her hair was as red as a sunrise, and her skin as pale as snow. I loved the striking difference of her vibrant hair against her mellow skin tone. The opposites complemented each other perfectly. 

"Sorry" she murmured sounding anything but, as she hustled into the crowd swiftly. My eyes followed her until she disappeared from sight completely. She didn't even look at me.

I kept my eyes wide open as we walked into town, consuming everything visual about the stronghold with a mildly terrifying need. Taking in all the sights, sounds, smells. Viktor on the other hand, kept his head down and his eyes trained on the cracked cement sidewalk. He too was wearing a hat. A simple black beanie to cover his uniquely colored hair. 

"I don't want to attract attention to myself. I'm pretty famous around here." He'd said when I questioned him about it. 

The streets were alive. The buildings were alive. The humans were alive. Alive, alive, alive. Everything was so alive. The streets pulsed with the rhythm of life like an invisible heartbeat. Feet slapping against the cement. Laughter in the air. Talking, honest to God people talking. Having conversations with each other. There wasn't a hint of moaning in the air. Not a single sign of the undead. 

Alive.

There was just so much around me, I was quite frankly a little shell-shocked. I never wanted to leave. I never wanted to go anywhere else or see anything else besides the inexplicable joy in the street of the run-down town. 

I guess maybe that's why I was so bitter when we finally arrived at the office. The building was one of the drabbest I'd seen. A short one-story structure the color of grey sludge. The shade of the snow after weeks of being trampled on. The hue of a zombie's skin. Dead and lifeless and cold. The walls were cracked and the siding was moldy and falling apart. Semi-White trim ran around the house, stained brown with mud. 

"We're here!" Viktor chirped happily, stopping in front of the ugly building. 

When he first said that, I hoped he was joking. The whole building reminded me of the hospital. The dark grim miserable hospital where I rotted away staring at flecks of dust. It even had the same bright Red Cross painted on it as the hospital did. It hung above the door crudely painted in a bright blood red. It appeared to be oozing and dripping even though the paint itself was dry and cracked, flaking off from the harshness of the wind. 

I opened my mouth to protest. To laugh. To scoff. To make some indication that I didn't want to go there. But before I could, Viktor started walking down the narrow stone path leading to the chipped grey door. He didn't even pause to knock once he arrived. He just pushed it open and strolled into the hideous building as if he owned the place, and he had every right in the world to be there. 

He looked arrogant when he strolled in, and that left an uneasy feeling in my stomach and a bitter taste in my mouth. The disgust the building gave off was starting to affect me. I hesitantly followed Viktor into the grey. 

If I thought the appearance of the building was bad, the smell was downright torturous.  
It smelled sharp and clean and vaguely of rubbing alcohol. It smelled like the scent of the hospital. Even thought it was covered by layers of decay and death, the poignant hospital smells still hung heavy in the air of my old home. 

Just when I was getting too lost in my thoughts, too deep into the flashback of my former residence, Viktor cleared his throat. I looked up at him and he smiled. 

"My friend is in the other room, I'm going to go say hi and introduce you, hang behind the doorway until I tell you to come in. He's not the, uh, most accepting person about your- condition." Viktor spoke quietly to me. 

I nodded and followed him to the doorway entering into the next room, hiding behind the wall next to it. He walked into the door frame, a smile glowing on his face.

"Hey!"

A voice on the other side of the wall spoke up, it sounded young and angry "Viktor! What the fuck were you doing yesterday. JJ said you needed help but when we got to the wall you were gone!"

Viktor shifted on his feet uncomfortably and raised a hand to rub the back of his neck,  
"Yeah sorry about that..."

"You better be." The voice growled.

Viktor gave a curt nod into the other room, and then briefed a quick glance at me.

"Hey, I came here because I need a favor..." 

"Of course you do. That's why you always come here. Is your arm hurt like JJ said?" 

"No, I have a... friend that needs your help actually." He looked at me and made a gesture to follow him.

I walked into the room following his lead. The other room was small and cramped, hospital supplies lined one wall, medicine on shelves lined another, and the last contained a large wooden bookshelf. Eventually my eyes focused on the human Viktor was talking to. He was just a boy, no older than 15. Soft blonde hair hung down in long locks framing the sides of his face. I turned to Viktor, who was standing next to me, to ask what I should do. Before I could open my mouth though, he reached an arm around my shoulder. 

"Take the hat off." He whispered in my ear. 

I obeyed, ruffling the hair on my head in an attempt to make it look presentable. Tearing my gaze away from Viktor I looked at the blonde. 

His eyes met mine and he looked me up and down, scanning every inch of my face. The longer he analyzed the more horrified he looked. An expression of full blown terror enveloped his face as he stumbled back, tripping, falling over the things in the room. Scrambling to get away from me. 

"Viktor!" He cried, his voice no longer low and angry but high and shrill, absolutely filled with fear,  
"Why did you bring one of them-" he spit the words out like a curse, "into the walls." 

"Yuri, stop." He told the struggling boy calmly, his voice even and his hand raised in a reproachful manner. 

"No, Viktor what the actual hell, aren't you supposed to kill them- shoot it!" He was practically screaming now. I started backing out of the room, I was slightly afraid of the young boy and I felt guilty about the distress I caused him, but Viktor stopped me.

"Yuri- listen. He's different, I'm not sure why, but he is." 

He turned to me, his eyes pleading. "Say something." He whispered.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened my mouth. 

"Hey," I said "I promise... I won't h-hurt you." 

The second the words rang from my mouth he stopped struggling. His face paled and his mouth opened in surprise. His eyes were as wide as saucers, shock replacing the horror that was previously in them. 

"Y-you can talk?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yes." I answered simply. 

"We need your help," Viktor said, "we want to find out what's different about him, why he's like this." 

The blonde looked and Viktor and swallowed, his showy adam's apple bobbing in his throat. 

"Alright." He said hesitantly, "but you owe me big."

Viktor sighed in relief, his chest physically sagging.  
"Thank you." He told the boy. 

The blonde fixed a pointed look at me, a look of pure disgust on his face. 

"Does IT have a name." He asked Viktor. 

I felt annoyed by this, he was talking like I wasn't even there- like I didn't have the mental capacity to answer my own name. I scoffed. 

"My name... is Yuuri." I told him.

"Yuuri?" He sputtered out indignantly, turning to Viktor he shouted, "you did NOT name your pet zombie after me!" 

"That's the name he told me!" Viktor replied defensively shrugging, "And besides he's older so he would've had it first." 

"I'm not his... p-pet." I threw in helpfully. 

"He's not my pet." Viktor agreed.

The boy, who I assumed to be named Yuri, rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever" he spat out, "it's just going to be confusing. That's all." 

It was one of the most passive aggressive sentences I'd ever heard. Teenage rebellion practically dripped off of him like sweat. 

"Simple solution, we can call you something else.... how about yurio!" Viktor responded brightly. Chipper as always. 

Yurio's face grew red and splotchy, "wha-what!" He sputtered out, "that's the most stupid thing I've ever heard! And besides why change my name- I'm actually alive unlike some people in this room. If they can even be counted as people..."

He was vicious and cruel and hated me. The more I realized this the farther I felt my heart sink. He wouldn't be any help to me if he hated me so much. Viktor however didn't seem to be disheartened at all.

"Oh come on Yurio, he's our guest!" 

The boy glared at Viktor upon hearing his new nickname.

"Whatever," He spat at Viktor. "Let's just start with the examination." 

...

The table where he had me sit was cold and metal and hard against my body, I shifted uncomfortably. Everything in the room was giving me ugly flashbacks to the festering hospital base, from the rusted IV racks to the crinkly paper sheets on the dull hospital bed. 

The checkup had been unpleasant so far to say the least. The small blonde boy had shined a flashlight in my eyes, ears and mouth, taken a blood sample using the longest needle I'd ever seen, hit my kneecaps with a hammer (though I got revenge by kicking him), checked for "scoliosis", taken my weight (which brought a new wave of insults about, most revolving around "Dead Pig"), and taken my blood pressure.

Viktor was on the other side of the room admiring the book shelf that lined the wall. I even had to admit it was pretty impressive. The shelf was a grandeur, tall and dark. Deep brown oak wood shelves lined with tightly bound leather books in every color you could image. Sizes varied from pamphlets to novels that weighed the shelves down with their excessive number of pages. Yurio noticed my prolonged staring.

"They're medical books." He explained, gaining my attention.

"Have y-you really... read all of them?" I asked quietly in awe.

"You don't get called a medical prodigy for just sitting around and rotting all day." He said with a sneer, unwrapping a rusty metal stethoscope from around his neck. 

"This is just a standard procedure," He told me, not without malice, placing the object in his ears. "Seeing as you're dead it isn't necessary, but I like to be thorough with my checkups."

He reached over and unbuttoned the top few buttons of my cotton flannel, placing the silver circle on the center of my chest. It was surprisingly cold, almost like ice. I had to refrain myself from jerking away upon touch. Instead I watched the circle on my chest. I tried to sit as still as possible, I didn't want to be a difficult patient and give him anymore reason to hate me.

My thoughts were interrupted by a sharp intake of breath. Startled I looked up. Yurio's eyes were wide and confused. His lips were parted slightly in surprise, and his eyebrows were furrowed. Viktor walked over, placing a warm hand on shoulder. I glanced briefly at the soft pale hand and smiled. The warmth he gave off almost completely eradicated the frigidness of the heinous medical equipment. 

"What's wrong." Viktor questioned, concern thick in his voice. 

Yurio blinked, closing his mouth and opening it again, giving off a vaguely fish-like presence. He swallowed, a noticeable gulp that showed in his throat. Then suddenly, with a concerningly composed gracefulness, he slipped the stethoscope out from under my shirt and the pieces from his ears. He closed his eyes and breathed in, turning his back to Viktor and I. 

"Your pet zombie has a heartbeat." He told Viktor, his voice shaking slightly. 

The room went silent, as we all took in this information. Quietness stifled the room, I felt almost like I was suffocating. 

"W-what?" I asked, not sure I had properly heard. 

"I said," he retorted, annoyance lacing his voice, "that you have a heartbeat." 

He hurled the words like a weapon into the cramped room. I blinked in confusion. Did that mean that I was alive? From what I understood most humans counted a heartbeat as life. Before the apocalypse people in hospitals were considered dead if their heart stopped and they flatlined. I opened my mouth to question him further, but Viktor beat me to it. 

"What does that mean exactly?" 

Yurio finally turned around. His hands curled in fists at his side. 

"I. Don't. Know." He admitted through clenched teeth. 

"Am I alive?"I asked him. I hated the way my voice sounded desperate. I didn't want to admit weakness in front of this boy. He seemed like the type to analyze everything about you- every little flaw, and when the time was right he would use it all against you. 

"I. Don't. Know!" He reiterated, sounding even more frustrated. 

"I need to go write something down and see what the books say." He told Viktor abruptly, and then left the room with heavy steps.

I turned to face Viktor. I couldn't detect what he was thinking. Emotions passed on his face at a million miles an hour, one second hope flickered on his lips, the next confusion dawned in his eyes. 

"Does this mean you're alive?" He asked me, as if I hadn't just asked Yurio that.

"I don't know," I replied honestly, my voice a little bit shaky. "Maybe I'm... a little b-bit dead and a little bit alive."

"What do you mean?" 

"Maybe I am alive, if I... do have a h-heartbeat. But maybe I'm more dead than alive."

Viktor blinked, stunned. 

"I don't... know." I shook my head and bit my bottom lip. "This entire thing is t-too confusing."

Viktor moved his hand off my shoulder, and instead placed it on my hand that was resting on the table. It was nice. His hand enveloped mine, warm and soft, like a blanket. His other hand he used to softly grab my chin, pushing it up slightly so I was forced to gaze in his eyes. 

"We'll figure this out Yuuri. I promise." He said with a smile dancing on his lips. His previously confusion-muddled eyes lit up brighter now with the prospect of hope and determination. 

I looked at him, and he looked at me. I felt like I couldn't breathe (even more so than normal). It was like his eyes had put me in a trance. Nothing else mattered, nothing else around me existed, except for the clear piercing blue eyes before me. His features didn't look sharp in that moment. They looked soft, his hair looked soft- he looked soft. Soft and warm and inviting and beautiful, and goddammit why could I stop staring at him. His eyes held steady with mine until they flickered down briefly, to glance at my lips and back. We stood like that, like deer caught in headlights, neither of us daring to move but at the same time both desperately wanting to flee. We stood like that for whet felt like forever.

Or, at least until Yurio walked back in the room. 

"What the hell! Get a room!" Rang his voice, dripping with disgust. 

Almost at once we sprang apart. I felt my face heat up, a blush racing down my cheeks and flushing my ears. I expected him to yell at us more, but surprisingly enough he dropped the topic as soon as he saw my face. 

"Interesting," he hummed, completely forgetting about being angry, "you can blush." 

"Y-yeah." I stammered out, still seething with embarrassment. 

He cleared his throat and wrote something down on a clipboard he had brought in with him.

"I'm going to ask a few questions. I need you to answer them honestly. If you don't I will not be able to properly diagnose you, and there will be no possible way for us to figure out why you're like this. Do you understand?" He talked to me as if I were an ignorant kid, though it was obvious he was years younger than I.

"Yes." 

"Ok, first question. What is your name." He asked in a monotonous voice. 

"Yuuri." I quipped back quickly. 

"No last name?" 

I stopped for a minute. Did I have a last name? I wracked my memory, combing through every inch of brain- every piece of information I had stored to see if I could remember. Just when I was about to give up though, I remembered. 

"Katsuki." 

"Are you sure?" He sounded skeptical.

"Yes." I said with a nod of my head. 

"Are the other zombies like you. Can they talk and think and breath?" 

"No. I haven't M-met any like me."

"What traits do you posses that deviate from normal undead behavior?" He inquired further. 

"I need to sleep," I started, "I can eat human food. I can b-breath. I dream....I can think independently, i can... sing, I can b-blush, I can... talk, and apparently I have a h-heartbeat." 

He nodded and scribbled furiously away. 

"Do you produce waste?" He asked me.

I shifted uncomfortably on the table. "That's a little... personal..." I said.

"I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to ask invasive questions. That's how I know what's wrong. Answer please." He sounded frustrated.

"Yes." I replied embarrassed.

"Do you think you feel emotions and have thoughts the same way that living people do."

"Yes." I answer back immediately. That was one thing I was completely sure of. 

"Are you sexually active?" 

I felt the blush heat up in my face again.

"I've been living in a z-zombie lair for three y-years... so, no." I said rather defensively.

He raised an eyebrow and checked a mark on his paper. 

"Has your condition remained consistent since the start of the apocalypse?" He asked.

I thought back to my first year as a zombie. The drowsy muddled thoughts. How slow I was. The drastic realization of what I'd become. I was so much... slower then. Everything was blurrier. But as time went on, I got better. I got more alive. Even just this morning, my limp had started to heal. 

I told Yurio this. He frowned. 

"You described it as both 'slow' and 'muddled' at the start of the apocalypse. Were you physically worse, mentally worse, or both?"

"Both." I answered.

He frowned again, the gesture scrunching his face. He scanned his clipboard once more, eyes roaming the paper hungrily. He sighed, his shoulders heaving up and down with the motion. Then he looked Viktor in the eyes

"Well. I think I know what's wrong."


	4. Cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's the latest chapter! Now, just a few warnings- firstly this may contain medical inaccuracies. If that's the case and you'd like to correct me to help the story- please feel free to do so! I spent a while researching this condition in an attempt to make the story accurate. As for the medical procedures- this story is set in a future where they have already been developed. 
> 
> Secondly, this chapter is mainly dialogue. Sorry about that- but all the dialogue was needed to further the plot. I promise future chapters will be better! 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you all for all of the comments I received on the previous chapter! The support was overwhelming. Comments make me rediculously happy every time I get one :) 
> 
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> 
> Well anyways, if you have any questions about the story please feel free to contact me on my tumblr @aestheticsdan.
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading. 
> 
>  
> 
> (Please excuse any typos or grammatical errors, this chapter is in the midst of being edited) 
> 
> ...

CH. 4

The second he said that the air in the room seemed to completely disappear.  
I choked on nothing. Viktor let go of my hand and leaned in eagerly. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"You have a diagnosis?" Viktor's warm voice filled the suffocating room.

"Yes." Yurio answered back.

The silence of the room was deafening, pounding into my head like waves. A vicious ringing erupted in my eardrums.

"What... is it?" I choked out, looking down in my lap.

I held my breath.

Viktor held his breath.

Yurio took a deep breath.

"Well for starters you have social anxiety. Just in case you wanted to know..."

"But what about his heartbeat?" Viktor asked bluntly.

"Ah well," Yurio shuffled from foot to foot, staring down at the clipboard in his hands. "This is all purely theoretical of course, I cannot guarantee any of this is correct."

"Just tell us." Viktor sounded on edge. I could see his fingers curling around the hard metal table.

Yurio nodded his head shortly. A small gesture that seemed to encompass the entire room. He parted his lips to speak and the ringing in my ears faded away slowly.

"I believe I have found a diagnosis. Based on the zombie's symptoms, answers, and the information given to me by the medical books I read. At the time of the apocalypse- January 17th 2031 the zombie was in a hospital for a serious brain injury. Without the proper medical equipment I can't be 100% sure, but it is my opinion he was classified as a patient with PVS."

As if he knew we would question what that was, he continued.

"PVS stands for Persistent Vegetation State. It's a disorder of consciousness in which a patient with severe brain damage, namely Yuuri, is in a state of existence rather than true awareness. It is possible for patients to recover partially from this condition. Which explains why he has been slowly healing over time. However it is impossible for him to recover fully. It is my belief, as a medical expert, that the zombie Virus is an infection of the dead or dying brain. Yuuri must have been on the brink of brain death while suffering from his PVS at the time of the outbreak- causing him to become infected while not being entirely dead."

The room went silent after Yurio's declaration. Nobody moved a muscle. I could hear Viktor next to me, breathing rapidly, obviously trying to process the new information at our finger tips.

I was in too much of a state of shock to question any further, but Viktor however was not. He straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat, ruining the silence and stillness of the harsh grey room.

"You mentioned him being on the brink of brain death," Viktor called out weakly, "but I remember reading about a huge discovery for a cure for that like 5 years ago- before the apocalypse started."

It wasn't a question exactly, but it hung in the air as one. It was Viktor's subtle way of asking if there was a cure.

Finally finding my courage, I looked up from my hands and into the blue eyes of the intimidating boy in front of me. He sucked in a breath and sighed, rubbing his face as if he knew that question was coming and it annoyed him.

"There is technically a cure, yes. It was discovered by a Japanese neurologist in November of 2026. It's similar to reviving a stilled heart. Multiple short electrical surges are applied to the brain in an attempt to get it to start up again."

I felt a laugh of shock bubble out of my body. There was a cure. There was a cure!

"But the apocalypse only started 3 years ago! They had the technology to save him back then!" Viktor, however, instead of sounding joyous, sounded angry.

"Viktor, he was probably in some dingy small town hospital when it happened, they only have that technology in the bigger cities."

"So they were just going to let him die!"

"Viktor this was three years ago, calm down" he shushed him with a glare.

Viktor shut his mouth.

Yurio continued talking, "There are several problems with this situation. Firstly, there is no guarantee that the treatment will work at reviving his brain after it's been in PVS for long. There is also no guarantee that the treatment would reverse the effects of the zombie virus."

"We have to try." I finally spoke out determination setting in. If there was a way to cure me- to make me human, than damnit I was going to try. Viktor smiled at me softly. Placing a warm hand on my shoulder supportively.

"There's more." Yurio said darkly, a complete 180 from the optimistic tone I had developed. "There is a slight chance the treatment would kill you. Even before the apocalypse, in a safe, clean environment, the procedure only had a 58% survival rate. And only the largest hospitals had the technology for it. I checked some maps while I was in the other room and determined the nearest one is in Tokyo. Which is nearly a weeks walk away. So you would have to venture into dangerous zombie infested areas for an attempt at something that might ultimately kill you."

I felt the smile on my face slowly fade away as the elation I'd previously felt melted into despair. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"I'll let you decided what you want to do." Yurio said formally, and then left the room.

I turned to Viktor. His face was contorted in deliberation. He looked at me, his eyes full of sympathy. I opened my mouth again.

"I want to try," I said, determination setting further in my voice, stabilizing it. "If there's... a chance I can be-become human I want to try."

Viktors face fell. "I want to try too." He whispered, his voice soft and sad. "But there's a chance you might die Yuuri. I don't want to risk you dying. I don't know what I'd do if you died."

"You'd move on." I told him simply, "you've known me... for two d-days."

His brow furrowed and his nose scrunched up.  
"You don't understand Yuuri. Around here, I'm famous. People adore me, I save them, I bring them supplies, I help them survive. It's always been such a burden. Everyone treats me differently, everyone looks at me with either pity, jealousy, or gratitude in their eyes. But not you. You're different from all of them. I owe you my life, you're the one who saved me. Sometimes it's so tiring to be the hero all the time, and you gave me a break from that. When I'm with you I don't have to worry about the town, I don't have the weight of everyone's survival resting on my shoulders. Because when I look at you, I don't see pity or jealousy or gratitude in your eyes. I see hope. I see joy. I see wonder. You're so different from all of these people I'm surrounded by all the time and it's so utterly... refreshing. You're the best thing that's happened to me in the past three years Yuuri. I want you to stay close to me, if you left- if you died... I don't know what I would do."

He spoke with such a passion, such ferocity that it left me speechless. The fact that he really cared that much about me, about what happened to me almost left me in tears.

His eyes were boring holes into mine, they were bright and desperate.

"But don't you... care that I'm a m-monster." I spat out, "That I'm a dirty and ugly and dead. That I'm a bloodthirsty zombie."

"No. I don't care. Because you're not like them Yuuri. You're not bloodthirsty. You're not ugly. You're not dead. You have a virus- a disease- that's all! It's no different from having the flu or something!" He was practically yelling at this point.

"It's not the flu. It's not a disease. It's who I am- it's what I am!"

"You're more than that!" We were both almost in tears now.

I didn't respond at first. I just looked back down at my lap. At my cold grey dead hands. At my newly scrubbed fingernails.

"My flesh is rotting off." I pointed out.

He shrugged unbothered, "Beauty is only skin deep."

I sighed, "that o-only counts... if you have skin."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "You do have skin." He said.

I snorted. He sighed.

We stayed like that for a few minutes in a hushed silence. Both weighing the options we'd been given.

Finally Viktor spoke up, his voice soft and melancholy.

"Ok. I'll help you. But only on one condition."

I looked up at him again, his soul piercing eyes meeting mine.

"Anything." I whispered

His hand moved from my shoulder to my face, the pad of his thumb slowly moving in circles along my cheek, a lock of my hair brushed against his hand and I shivered. It felt good. It felt so good.

"You can't die." He said.

I sighed, "Viktor, I'm already-"

"No." he cut me off, "you have a heartbeat Yuuri Katsuki you are not dead, and you will not be dying anytime soon." His voice was stern and his eyes were sharp.

"Ok." I said softly, giving in.

A smile etched it's way on his face. A soft pastel pink smile that reminded me of sunlight. Of joy.

Just when I was wishing he'd never stop massaging my face, that we could stay like that forever, he took a step away. I felt a rosy blush tint my ears.

"Yurio, we've decided." he called out.

The blonde boy entered the room again, looking agitated.

"Don't call me that." He spat out.

"We're going to do it. We're going to cure him."

Yurio blinked in surprise, his lips folded into a thin line.

"You've been warned about how dangerous this will be." Yurio said.

"You forget you're taking to Viktor Nikiforov, the best Zombie killer in the world."

"You're not the best in the world."

"You don't know that, we could be the last human colony on earth, and if that's the case then I am."

"Viktor..." Yurio sounded exasperated

"Just listen to me, I can do it. I will do it. For Yuuri."

"You're going to get yourself killed for a half dead zombie with social anxiety?

"No, I'm going to save a half-alive zombie."

"Fine if you wanna get yourself killed, then who am I to stop you."

Viktor nodded, "we talked it over. This is what Yuuri wants."

They both looked over at me, Viktor with a grin, and yurio with a sneer.

Viktor cleared his throat, "anyways, we're gonna need you to lend us a book or something on how to work the medical equipment. I figure I can bring an electrical generator to power up the machines but I'll need you to tell us how to work it."

Yurio looked down at his shoes.

"I'll come with you." He said, not sounding happy about it.

"Really?" Viktor asked.

"Yeah, if you're going through this much trouble I'd hate to see you devastated because you fucked it up not knowing how to work the machine."

Yurio grimaced, looking disgusted with himself. "But you owe me big. I expect new supplies ASAP, I'm almost out of bandages."

Viktor grinned, "Of course," he promised. "Lets all get packed- Yuuri and I will meet you at the entrance to the walls tomorrow at 8:00am."

He smiled back at me, "let's go home, Yuuri."

I hopped down off the examining table as he walked through the door to leave. I couldn't wait to be free of this horrid building. But before I could leave the room, Yurio stepped in front of me, blocking the way. He was wearing a look of pure unadulterated anger. Hatred and malice practically dripped off of him.

He grabbed my arm.

"Listen here zombie, I don't like you, I don't trust you, and I certainly don't want to help you. The only reason I'm doing this is because Victor would get killed if I didn't, and if he dies, so does our colony. Viktor is worth a million of you. You're not even human, you've got the same worth as a pig to me. Mark my words if you get Victor killed I will kill you myself."

I took a step back, unsure how to respond. He dropped my arm and turned, walking away from me.

"Don't forget you're nothing more than a fat, dead, pig. You're a monster. You're all monsters."

I felt my mouth drop open in shock. How could this guy hate me so much?

"Yuuri?" Viktor called from outside the building.

I shook my head, trying to forget Yurio's spiteful words. Instead, I walked into the fresh air of the outside, focusing on how warm the sunlight felt dancing against my skin.


	5. Emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for not posting in a while. I have musical rehearsal until 7:00 everyday, so that's taken up a lot of my time. I was going to update last week, but my school got a lot of threats about a shooting so I was too stressed to write, sorry! 
> 
> Anyways, sorry for any typos or grammatical errors, my editor is in the process of editing this chapter, but I didn't want you guys to wait any longer! 
> 
> If you ever want to ask questions or contact me about the story please feel free to do so on my tumblr @aestheticsdan 
> 
> I appreciate all the comments, kudos, and support you all are giving me! Every comment I get makes me smile. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, and enjoy!

CH 5.

We walked in silence down the bustling city streets. I noticed that we did a lot of that- walking in silence, and thousand yard stares. The hat on my head obstructed some of the view, but I didn't mind. It was a small price to pay to be able to witness the human experience at work. Everything around me was a wonder. Everything completely and utterly new. Every laugh I heard felt like a drum in my chest, every voice like a twinkling of bells. It was all so vibrant, so bright, so purely alive. 

I think I loved humans. 

And not the stupid, pointless love like a toddler has for a toy truck, or what a teenage girl feels for her first crush. But a true love. A real love. A love that I felt burn with passion in every part of me, from the tips of my toes to the heart that apparently beat in my chest. Utter infatuation. I loved everything about everyone I'd seen so far, from the kindness of Viktor's heart to the cruel eyes of Yurio. My heart panged with longing, to be a part of their way of life- to actually have a life with humans.

It was an odd thing I supposed, especially considering how many people genuinely hated the human race. It had its faults, yes, corruption and crime and hatred. But I had my own faults too, namely eating humans. Humanity was something intangible to me. Something bright and shiny like a gemstone, gleaming and present and always there. Always a beacon of hope for everything I wanted to be, and everything I'd always dreamed of being. The past three years of my life had been hell. Total hell. Burning brimstone, torture, and despair. Living amongst the undead, rotting, thoughtless zombies really made me open up my eyes to the miracle that was being alive. 

To the miracle that was the tiny faint heartbeat in my chest. 

If I closed my eyes and focused I could almost feel it. The ghost of a beat, as my heart whispered deeply in my chest pumping blood through my veins. As my heart unknowingly gave me the best gift I'd received in my death- a second chance at life. Viktor had saved me, and my heart had revived me- what a wonderful life I was living. 

What a wonderful life. 

Life!

I was alive! Well, at least a little bit. Some small part of me was clinging onto life with a determined resilience refusing to let go, through all the pain and starvation and disease, my heart had prevailed. My body hadn't failed me as I'd previously thought, and for that I was eternally grateful. 

The realization that soon I would be human thrilled me, it was a total wave of ecstasy that shot down my spine and ran to my toes, overwhelming me. It took all my patience to not grab Viktor's hand and run out of the walls right then and there, not waiting for the sun to fall and rise again before starting the journey of the beginning of my life. 

Viktor must've been able to tell about my impatience. Maybe my stiffened shoulders gave it away, or my constant glances to the walls towering over the city. He reached out a hand indistinctly and grabbed my own fidgeting fingers. The sudden touch relaxed me almost at once. I felt my shoulders sag and my heart flutter. I tore my gaze from the borders of the city to look at him instead. 

He was worried. I could tell. I knew he was trying to hide it though. His unease peeked through his eyes like the sun through the crack in an open door. His face was bright and shiny, his mouth a smile drizzled with joy. He was trying to be happy for me, I know. 

But the quivering blue of his eyes betrayed him. 

I could practically see the gears working behind his eyes, as his mind flashed with millions of scenarios. All of me dying, or him dying, or some grisly ending to what was supposed to be my happily ever after. A tragic ending to my new beginning. 

"Hey," I told him, quietly under my breath, "it's all... going to turn out f-fine." 

A look of surprise flashed across his face, like he couldn't believe I had seen through his "brilliant" disguise (not that it was hard really, he was an open book). He blinked once and some of the worry drained out of his eyes. His faint smile grew slightly.

"I know... it will be. You'll be t-there. If you're there, n-nothing will stand in our w-way."

I squeezed his hand in reassurance. 

"I think you're placing too much trust in me Yuuri Katsuki." He responded in a surprisingly melancholy soaked voice.

I stopped walking, and faced him, there in the middle of the street. I grabbed his other hand, forcing him to look at me straight on. 

"Don't f-forget, you're Viktor Nikiforov, the best.. zombie slayer in the world. There isn't anything we can't do... together."

He laughed, "I suppose so." 

"I know s-so."

He flashed me a practically blinding smile and I gave him a soft reassuring grin in return. Neither of us moved away after that. I didn't want to let go of Viktor's hands or ever stop staring at his crystal eyes. We stood like that, holding hands and staring at each other for what felt like eons. Eventually though, the prolonged silence turned more awkward than poetic, and both Viktor and I noticed. 

"Let's go home." He said in a hushed tone. His whispered words filled the air with an unsaid promise. A promise of success. A promise of a life. A promise of hope. A promise of a heartbeat. 

I nodded slowly, and looked down at my feet. 

"Ok." 

I pulled my hands back from his and turned the direction of his house. Much to my surprise though, he reached out and took one of my hands again. Startled, I looked at him. 

"So we don't get separated." He whispered. 

I thought back to when he said those exact same words to me just yesterday at the hospital. The stark differences of our situations brought a smile to my lips. I squeezed his hand tightly. 

"We'll never... get s-separated." I said softly, more to myself than to him. I must've said it too softly though, because he didn't seem to hear me.

...

 

I sat on the faded blue comforter on Viktor's bed, watching in awe as he piled numerous random things into his once non-cluttered bedroom. It reminded me of an old Disney cartoon I recalled from my past. The Little Mermaid. I felt like Ariel had when she'd gone to the palace to be with prince. Both of us nonhuman creatures living in the human world. I was mesmerized by all the stuff he had brought up. So many things seemed so oddly foreign. Things I'd never heard of or seen before. Weapons I could only guess the purpose of. It was all so new, so confusing. Yet it was a wonderful experience to learn more about Viktor's world. Viktor. He was a wonder in itself. He had pulled his hair back into a makeshift ponytail before he had started working, and I couldn't get over how much simply pulling his hair back had significantly altered his appearance. The hairstyle had somehow softened his features. I almost scoffed at how feminine he looked, and how hilariously that contrasted to the fact that he was slinging a rusty chainsaw over his shoulder. 

He had set out three worn looking bags, a yellow duffel with what suspiciously looked like blood stained across the strap, a faded blue messenger bag, and a muddied brown backpack with a broken zipper. A few sets of clothes had been set in piles next to them. Basic stuff to take with us on our trip like t-shirts, jeans, and underwear. 

Viktor had explained to me we had to travel lightly, he was bringing three packs, a personal packs for the both of us, a bag full of weapons, and one for food. 

I eyed the drops of sweat that were precariously forming on Viktors hairline. The air circulating in his house was hot, and the fact that Viktor was dragging heavy equipment upstairs into his room probably wasn't helping. 

"Don't b-bring a chainsaw." I told him.

He looked up, surprised. 

"Why not?" He asked, bewilderment painted on his face.

"Too heavy, choose... something l-lighter," I explained, "Like that sword." I pointed at a sharp looking metal sword, partially hidden underneath a rifle.

"A sword?" Viktor laughed, rolling his eyes.

He reached down into the weaponry pile and pulled out the aforementioned sword. Viktor rubbed a spot on it with his thumb, attempting halfheartedly to clean it. 

"I am pretty good with blades..." Viktor murmured to himself.

I raised my eyebrows in triumph. 

"I didn't realize you were such an expert on slaying zombies." He told me with a smirk. 

"Well, I a-am." I said with a false sense of smugness.

He rolled his eyes at me and went back to polishing the long silver blade.

"Also bring a... gun. F-for long range enemies." I added as an afterthought. 

Viktor burst out laughing. It was a laugh I hadn't heard from him before, it was a sound that ripped out of his chest without permission. A loud childlike sound of pure amusement. I practically expected him to double over he was laughing so hard. 

His laughter was contagious, I had to stifle a giggle myself. 

"What?" I asked him in mock defensiveness.

"It's just," he got out between laughs, "you're utterly adorable." 

I hadn't expected him to say that. The smile on my face quickly melted, and I felt an embarrassed blush heat up my face and ears. I never was particularly good at accepting compliments. In an attempt to change the topic, I leaned back so I was laying on the bed. 

"I'm tired." I announced.

"You're not tired." Viktor told me, still trying to control his laughter, "you just want it to be tomorrow already."

I closed my eyes and smiled. He wasn't exactly wrong...

I just couldn't get over the fact that I was going to become human. I was going to be one of them- a living, breathing, laughing, human in the streets of Viktor's town. I was going to be contributing to the pulsating rhythm in the streets. I was going to have life surrounding me at all times, instead of death. An existence without darkness. It was a beautiful thought.

"You're such a dork," He scoffed, "Fine. I'll finish up packing and then join you. Feel free to go to sleep now."

I opened my eyes and analyzed the bumps on the ceiling, and pondered if I should wait for him to finish. Eventually I decided to go to sleep. I needed the day to come to a close. Sitting up, I carefully unlaced my shoes and slid them off, setting them next to the bed. I did the same with my socks. I stretched once, popping my spine, and sighed. 

"Goodnight... V-Viktor." I said while crawling under the covers. 

"Goodnight Yuuri Katsuki." He called back. 

I closed my eyes, smiling at the way my name sounded in Viktor's voice. Gentle, and melodic. He popped the T and drew out the vowels. The way he phrased it made it sound almost like a choral song, or a poem. Something as mundane my name didn't deserve to sound as breathtakingly stunning as it did when it came out of viktors voice. 

Yet, it did.

...

It turned out that I couldn't fall asleep. Instead, I listened to the loud breathing of Viktor, as he shuffled through clothes, weapons, and wrappers. Packing, and unpacking, and repacking until everything was perfect for our trip. 

Eventually I heard him zip the bags and walk over to the bed. I remained still, and pretended that I was sleeping, not wanting Viktor to feel like he had kept me up. 

He got ready for bed quickly and quietly, barely making any sound as he sat down on the bed. He was so quiet, that I almost jumped when he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

It was light and quick. A peck as soft as a butterfly's wing scratching against my skin. 

"Goodnight Yuuri." He said again to the quiet room, his voice full of an emotion I couldn't manage to decipher. He turned on his side and pulled the blankets over himself. 

I listened to his breathing gradually get slower and further apart, until he drew in the deep breaths that told me he was so obviously asleep. 

I opened my eyes and tried to see him in the blurry darkened room. He was stretched across his side of the bed, with his hand peeking out from under the comforter. Viktor's hair was down again, and it fell over his face, sticking to his lips and gleaming in the moonlight. He looked like an angel. He looked like a child. He looked like everything good and pure in the world. He was everything good and pure in the world. And he was mine. 

I reached a hand up and brushed my fingertips along where he had kissed. Smiling, I brought the hand down, and interlaced my fingers with Viktors own exposed ones.

"Goodnight Viktor." I whispered, and closed my eyes. 

Once Viktor was next to me, once I was holding his hand, I had no troubles falling asleep.

...

I awoke the next morning to anticipation eating my stomach away. Viktor was next to me, still softly snoring in the early hours of the morning. I noticed that at some time in the night our joined hands had let go of each other. I felt a wave of disappointment at this observation. A quick glance out the window made it obvious that the sun had only just arisen. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the bright light shining in through the unblinded windows. My efforts proved to be futile though, unable to fall back into slumber, I cut my losses and rolled over onto my side. 

I let myself take in the sight of the sleeping figure in front of me, taking in every detail. The way the sun's hushed morning rays caressed his pale skin. The curve of the shadows his eyelashes created along his cheek. The mellow and subdued snoring hesitantly escaping his thin rose colored lips.

I was totally engrossed with staring at him. There was something oddly hypnotic about watching him sleep. Every slow drawn in breath he in took felt like my own, every twitch on his face I felt mirrored on my own expression. While watching him, I almost felt like I was him. Or, that I was like him. Alive. Breathing. Sleeping peacefully without the perpetual but metaphorical crushing weight of death on his shoulders. 

But then I realized, soon that would be me. Soon I could sleep as soundly as him. Soon the weight of the world would be lifted off of me, and I could walk freely, without my limp, without my bloody eye, without the never ending degrading condition I was left in because a virus made claim to my brain before I could stop it. I was unable to protect my dying brain because of a loss of consciousness. But soon, it would all be ok again. Soon I would be like Viktor, and all the other humans that walked the streets in the stronghold. Soon I could laugh with them, talk with them, smile with them. Soon I would be a human myself. I could shed the decaying costume that the virus had engulfed me in. I could break free of the cumbersome chains that wrapped themselves around my brain and squeezed, shouting at my mind with everything in them, telling me to die. 

I would finally shut them up. 

And that prospect in itself was something to smile about. And so I did. I layed there grinning like an idiot, my eyes glazed over. Which put me in a rather awkward situation when at that moment, the aforementioned sleeping figure woke up. Viktor blinked slowly, attempting to clear the sleep from them.

"Hi." I told him quietly in way of a greeting. 

"Hi." He said groggily and closed his eyes again.

I sat up, panicked.

"No! D-don't go back to... sleep!" 

He sighed loudly in response and threw an arm over his face. 

"Someone's eager, aren't they?" He teased, drowsiness clinging to his voice and slurring his words.

"A little bit." 

The truth was, I could hardly sit still now that he was awake. Butterflies intruded my stomach, flying around and leaving me queasy with excitement. I almost felt like I was going to puke. Puking from happiness, that was something new.

"Fine, fine. I'm getting up." he groaned, a pretend annoyance infiltrating his voice. 

Overjoyed, I swung my legs off the bed, frantically trying to crawl out. I managed to get both my shoes and socks on before Viktor had even moved again. He sat up and watched me tie the laces. To be fair, I probably looked ridiculous. My tongue poking out of my mouth in concentration, as I desperately fumbled with the strings battling my terrible hand eye coordination. 

He laughed gently, and finally stood up. Seeing him stand brought me to the sudden realization that he was shirtless. I froze, my eyes scanning over the pale scarred bare chest in front of me. I guess I hadn't noticed his lack of clothing last night in the dark. The blanket had probably covered his chest up.

I knew of course, it was a completely natural thing to do, to be shirtless in front of someone else. But to me it seemed to be something more. I couldn't determine how I felt about it. On one hand I was mortified at the realization that we had slept like that all night. It seemed like such an intimate thing to do (maybe I was just a prude). On the other though, it seemed like such a step forward for us in our... relationship? Friendship? Mutual-goal-to-make-me-human-ship? Whatever we were, anyways. The fact that he could be so exposed to me, so open, when I was literally a bloodthirsty monster, meant so much. It showed a trust that I wasn't sure was there for sure. But now, there was no denying that he was comfortable around me. 

This thought crossed my mind and I froze. What was our relationship? I didn't know I felt about Viktor. Realizing this hit me like a brick wall. What were Viktor and I? And more importantly, what did I want us to be? I had never really had enough interaction with the other zombies to form any sort of bond, but now that I could make an emotional connection with someone, what did that mean? I liked Viktor. I really liked him. I liked the way he smiled at me, like no one ever had. I liked the way he trusted me. I liked the way he decorated his house in every color known to humanity. I liked his eyes and how they shone when the sun hit them, and sparkled in the moons rays at night. I liked how his laugh danced on his lips. I liked everything about him. 

And I think he liked me too. He laughed with me, and smiled with me. He was risking his life and limb specifically to make me happy. He was hesitant about the trip we were about to undertake purely because I might die. He kissed my forehead at night when he thought I wasn't awake. All of that had to have meant something, right? 

But what did it mean? Were the feelings I had for him platonic? Or something more? Maybe I was just mistaking the feelings felt in my gut. Viktor was the first person in my death to show me any kindness, maybe I was subconsciously mistaking my gratitude for romantic feelings. All I knew was I felt a pang in my gut when he smiled. And his laugh warmed my chest like a fire. And why was I only realizing this now? Why was I realizing this while sitting on his bedroom floor tying my shoes.

I felt his hot gaze on me from across the room and blushed. It didn't matter my feelings, I decided. I could sort those out later. I'd lock them away in a little box where I would be able to pay them no mind. The main thing I needed to focus on was the mission. The only thing that needed to consume my thoughts and time was the prospect of being human, and how the only thing that was stopping me from achieving that goal was 75 miles of unexplored terrain. 

75 miles. 

That was nothing. That was child's play. I could do this. As long as I had Viktor by my side. He could do anything. We could do anything.

I was starting to idolize Viktor. I saw him as everything I wanted. He had everything I'd always dreamed about. A home, friends, a non-infested brain. We were vastly different creatures, Viktor and I. Vastly different beings. I didn't even see myself as being on the same scale as him, let alone the same level. But. Maybe once I was human that could change. 

My head shot up with the stark realization that I had let myself get lost in thought again, like how I used to back at the hospital. My thoughts a never ending stream of consciousness perpetually betraying and berating me. Who knew how much time had passed while I'd been lucidly staring at my shoes. Though, looking in his direction, it seemed like Viktor had done the same. My sharp headjerk had startled him out of whatever thought-induced fantasies were playing behind his eyes. We both blinked at each other a few times. Trying to phase ourselves back into reality and silence the unceasing words demanding attention in our brains. 

"Sorry." He said, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment. For the faintest second I was incredibly confused as to the cause of his embarrassment. But then I realized he must've zoned out while staring at me. I felt a blush arise in my cheeks.

"It's o-ok."

A few seconds of awkward silence passed before Viktor jumped up.

"Well, I'll go make us some breakfast now, and then we can go meet Yurio out by the walls."

My mood brightened considerably once he said that. I practically jumped up off the ground, a grin enveloping my face.

"Don't look too eager." Viktor mumbled.

"Sorry." 

"No need to apologize, what do you want for breakfast." 

"You d-decide." 

"Ok."

I payed extra attention, walking down the steps that morning. I wanted to see if I had made any more progress on healing my limp. I noticed, with some exuberance, that it had slightly. Not anything as drastic as the day before, in fact I probably wouldn't even have noticed if I hadn't been paying specific attention on it. I took my limp healing as a good omen for the trip we were about to take. It seemed positive, my leg had healed before we left, so I in turn would heal. It was nice to be thinking so openly optimistically for a change. Being near Viktor had erased some of the ever constant pessimistic thoughts that attacked my mind. He had changed so much for me, done so much for me. He was about to help me turn human. What could I ever do to repay him for all that he had done for me.

When we got to the kitchen Viktor prepared a brief meal of scrambled eggs. He told me about a friend of his, Ota-something, who owned a couple of chickens. Apparently Viktor had saved the town from a zombie invasion two years ago, and the guy still gave him free eggs as a thanks. 

It was probably a really exciting story, I could hardly pay attention though, as a glance to the clock on the wall made it abundantly clear that it was almost time to leave. I practically shoveled the food into my face, trying to ignore the butterflies of anticipation I felt that we're beginning to get very upset at being ignored. 

Viktor finished his breakfast slower than i did. He was hesitant with each bite, using long and fluid drawn out motions to carry the food to his mouth. He obviously still was unsure of the mission. I payed that little mind though. He may be unsure, but I knew Viktor wouldn't flake out. He knew what this meant to me, that's why he agreed in the first place. 

I watched him eat, slowly, meticulously, taking great care. I bounced my leg up and down under the table, impatiently. I held my breath as he got up and at a snails pace washed our forks and plates in the sink. It had just gotten to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, when he sighed and opened his mouth to speak.

"I suppose we should go now." 

I grinned at him in response. 

We walked to the front porch together. I sat down on the wicker furniture while he ran back inside to turn off the power and grab the bags. I put ivy patterned baseball cap on my head, covering my eye with the brim. Looking at my palms, I studied the cracks and bends that littered my skin. I wondered if they'd still be there when I was human. I wondered How much of me would change, and what parts of me would change. Would I look the same? Or completely different? Would my scars fade? Would my eye heal? There were so many questions left unanswered. So many mysteries left to discover. And all I had to do was leave these walls. 

I did feel some regret at leaving the beautiful city. I didn't want to leave the pure light that living people gave off. But I knew, abandoning it this one time, would ensure I got to be there forever. So I quieted those thoughts and focused on how excited I was to embark on this mission. I was confident in Viktor's abilities to make it happen. 

Viktor.

Was there anything he couldn't do? 

That thought ran across my mind just as he stepped forward onto the porch. The three bags in his hands. He smiled and gave me the messenger bag containing our clothes. I took it and slung it over my shoulder feeling a hint of guilt. I knew he had given me the lightest bag. I also knew I would be the one who slowed down our mission. 

I hoped to never feel like that again. Internally, I vowed I would get into top physical form once I was human. I could almost picture the feeling of sweat on my forehead, and my lungs as they burned in discomfort, longing for air. Maybe I would get into a sport, like Viktor had before the apocalypse. I thought back to the medal in his room, near the photo of his dog. 

"Wait!" I exclaimed, turning to face Viktor. 

He looked back at me, concern drawn on his face.

"Yes?" He questioned earnestly. 

"What about... your dog. Is s-someone... going to watch him?"

He looked at me with a blank expression, and then laughed, "Yeah, he's still at my friend's house. No need to worry. Sorry you haven't met him yet though, you'd like him. He's a great dog." 

I smiled back at him, "I will once I'm human." 

The response was sort of my passive aggressive way of saying 'let's go!' Viktor picked up on the hint. He readjusted the bags on his back, closed and locked the front door, and took a step off the front porch. 

I followed behind him quietly on the trip to the walls. I kept my head down, it may have been early but the streets were already alive with people walking about. I tried to sneak casual looks up once in awhile, just to take in the sights of the city before we left. 

A yellow painted bakery, just opening up for the day. 

Three little kids playing jump rope on the street.

A bearded man begging for money on a street corner. 

A mother nursing her child behind a building.

Humans being 100% alive. 

I was so busy sneaking glances around, I hardly even realized we had arrived at our destination. I only comprehended it once I heard Yurio's cruel voice ring through the air.

"It's about time," He spat out, not without malice, "I sent JJ off on some wild goose chase for bandages across town a few minutes ago, so we need to leave now."

Between the three of us there were six bags, two for clothes, one for food, one for the portable energy conductor, one for weapons, and one for medical supplies. 

The door to the stronghold was open. I could see the outside from where I was standing near Viktor. I could see a sliver of some trees, swaying in the wind. Viktor and I walked over to where Yurio was standing. 

The three of us in turn each looked out the door of the walls into the unknown. Yurio with a look of disdain, Viktor with a look of worry, and l, with a look of pure joy.


End file.
